Monday, November 30, 2015

Fwd: Confront More, Complain Less

From: ScreamFree eQuips <>
Date: November 30, 2015 at 8:08:54 AM EST
Subject: Confront More, Complain Less

The ScreamFree Insititute
Your Daily ScreamFree eQuip, with Founder Hal E. Runkel, LMFT
"I find it unusual that it is more socially acceptable to complain about what you have 
than it is to ask for what you want." 
(Phil Lout)

Confront More, Complain Less
Last week was the American week of gratitude. I hope yours was as rewarding as mine. But now, finally, we can get back to our national pastime: complaining. 

There is nothing we love better than complaining. After all, it does so much for us. It gives us a voice for our frustrations. It props us up for a few moments of legitimacy. It can even solicit a kind-hearted moment of empathy, which serves to remind us we're not alone. 

Most of all, complaining makes us feel like we're doing something about our injustice, thereby excusing us from the dastardly job of actually addressing it. 

As you adopt Authentic Self-Representation, however, you will find that complaining becomes less satisfactory. It begins to feel far better to confront yourself, checking that your feelings are justified, and then confront the person you were complaining about. You don't do this with rage; you don't do this with needy sadness. You do it with calm confidence, boldly asking for what you want, knowing you'll be okay if it doesn't happen.

At least you gave the other person a chance to make it right, and more importantly, you gave yourself a true voice.
Stay Cool,
Forward this email

This email was sent to by |  

| 45 Technology Parkway South | Suite 240 | Norcross | GA | 30092

Monday, November 9, 2015

Kids Who ‘Talk Back’ Become More Successful Adults

"Kids talking back" is a perennial complaint in parenthood.

When your kid starts talking back or mouthing off, it pushes your buttons! Staying calm feels incredibly hard, even though you know — in theory — that a calm response is best for everyone involved (as well as your blood pressure).

But what if — (and just go with me here for a moment) — when your kids push back, it is actually great for their development? 

The experts agree, this behavior is actually developmentally healthy for kids. Clinical psychologist Kelly M. Flanagan explains that "the inability to say "No" — the inability to set personal boundaries — is one of the most common, insidious causes of human suffering."

Psychologist Joseph P. Allen, who headed a study for the University of Virginia, says: "We tell parents to think of those arguments not as a nuisance but as a critical training ground."

At its core, when kids push back at your authority, they're trying to exert some sense of control over their own lives. They're practicing that skill — flexing that muscle, if you will — with you.

Wouldn't you rather your child learn to negotiate with you, first, than feel obliged to follow some other kid's directions the first time a pushy peer says, "Come on, everyone's doing it?" Or blindly follow the directions of an adult acting inappropriately toward your child?

Focus on HOW They Push Back

We're ALL desperate for our kids to master the skills they need to stand up to peer pressure or danger when faced with difficult life decisions.

What if your ability to embrace (coach and help manage) your child's burgeoning independence is the key to teaching those critical negotiation skills? Skills that enable your kids to say "No" to drugs and delay sexual experimentation until an appropriate age?

The truth is — it's NOT whether they pushback that really speaks to your authority. They're kids. They're going to push back. That's their job. Your authority lies in HOW they push back, and in HOW you respond to them.

Are you teaching your child to challenge you with respect? Are you setting expectations (and positive examples) for appropriate communication? Do you help them understand and take responsibility for the consequences of their actions?

Your children's ability to negotiate risky or adverse circumstances improves when you teach them to exercise control with self-awareness, respect, grace and calm.

Who's In Control, Anyway?

We want to feel good about ourselves as parents, and somehow a 2-year-old saying, "NO!," a 9-year-old saying, "Why do I have to?" or a 14-year-old saying, "You're not being fair" triggers insecurities about our competence as parents.

We feel like we must maintain a minimum standard of authority as parents. Partially because that was the model WE grew up with (e.g. "I would NEVER have spoken to my parents that way!"), and partially because we want to feel like we have some sense of control over our kids. Life is easier (in the short-term, when they just do what we say). But we don't ultimately have control over our kids. Not really.

Kids come into the world with a path of their own to follow. From a very early age they start teaching us this lesson, veritably screaming at us: "It's not about you; it's about me!"

Sadly, it usually takes us years to grasp the message — if we ever do.

What Your Child Wants You to Know

In different ways at different stages of development, the message is the same:

They are independent beings with their own thoughts, feelings, and ideas. They are on their own path. And while it's your privilege supervising them on their journey, their journey is still their own, not yours.

For kids to grow into healthy, independent adults, they need to practice making decisions for themselves, and negotiating for what they want — even if what they want seems absurd or unimportant to you. Because, it's not about you.

If they can negotiate feeding the dog at 7:00 pm instead of 6:30 pm now, they're better prepared to negotiate with their college professors, with their manager at work, and with a spouse or partner at home in their future.

Remember … You're Raising Future Adults

Parenting a child toward independence almost feels like a contradiction in terms. But when we remember that we're not raising children, we're raising future adults, it helps a lot.

So the next time you hear yourself say — "How dare you talk to me that way?" … or, "Because I said so" … or even, "I gave you a direction and I want you to do what I said" — think about the message you're sending, and ask yourself how you might empower your child, instead.

How can you maintain your authority, without needing to exert control?

For example, a simple response to ugly tones and language, try: "Do you have a different way to say that?"

Requesting that they finish a chore, but do so offering them a chance to decide when to do it: "I'd like the dishwasher unloaded before dinner and it's your turn today. What time would you like to do it, and would you like a reminder?"

Remember, this is a process, and it will take time to turn the ship. A few well-placed questions will not magically shift the relationship currently established. But a move in new, supportive, understanding direction is a powerful play towards fostering your child's independence — which is ultimately what parenting is all about.  —Elaine Taylor-Klaus & Diane Dempster

Andrea L Gooldy
Parent Educator and Coach

Monday, September 21, 2015

Parenting Seminar : Handle Misbehavior without Breaking a Sweat Workshop Fri Oct 2nd 9am At North Point Church

In need of some fresh parenting tips, a love & logic refresher, support, and/or want to connect with other parents who use Love and Logic? Join me next Friday Oct 2nd from to 9 to 3pm to learn from two great speakers, Dr. Charles Fay & Jedd Hafer. More details below. Please let me know if any of you plan to go. We can sit together then all go to lunch. Would Love to see and catch up, in person. These seminars are definitely worth the time and the money. You will walk away laughing and re-inspired to use the L & L tools so you can enjoy parenting more, with less stress:)
Cheers, Andrea  

Location: North Point Community Church*

4350 N. Point Pkwy.

Alpharetta, GA 30022 (Map)

Andrea L Gooldy
Parent Educator and Coach



From: Love and Logic Institute, Inc. []
Sent: Thursday, September 10, 2015 12:31 PM
Subject: Handle Misbehavior without Breaking a Sweat




Teaching Responsibility and Raising Achievement

Dr. Charles Fay and Jedd Hafer


Atlanta, GA             October 2, 2015


 Love and Logic Strategies for Educators and Parents


Join Dr. Charles Fay and Jedd Hafer for an entertaining, fun filled day.
You'll hear classroom and home strategies for:


Teaching responsibility and respect without creating resentment and rebellion.


Tools for preventing power-struggles, arguments and outbursts.


Guidelines for setting and enforcing limits over technology use.


Tips for promoting enthusiasm for learning and school achievement.


How to cut down on the daily drama so you don't lose your mind.


Watch Charles share some ideas in this

Sample Presentation


100% Satisfaction Guaranteed!



Presenters: Dr. Charles Fay and Jedd Hafer


Location: North Point Community Church*

4350 N. Point Pkwy.

Alpharetta, GA 30022 (Map)

*This event is not an activity of the North Point Community Church.

Date: Friday, October 2, 2015


Time: 9:00 A.M. - 3:00 P.M.


Event Cost: $99.00


 Register Online



Graduate-level credit: One semester credit hour

Offered by: Brandman University

Credit Cost: $95.00 (payable to Brandman University)


Forms describing the graduate-level credit process will be available at this event.  For more information, visit this page.



Sign up for this event and receive 10% off any Love and Logic® products. We'll even pay the shipping on orders over $35.00. Just add the event registration and additional items to your shopping cart and use the coupon code EVENT10 to take advantage of this special offer.





Dr. Charles Fay
Jedd Hafer
in Atlanta, GA

Register Online


Scroll down for information on

Additional Savings




Parents and Educators


Can't take time off to attend a live presentation? Check out the next best thing and watch a

Love and Logic

On-Demand Webinar


find a local trainer

teaching parenting classes

in your area.



We're gearing up for the summer of 2016!

Love and Logic
Educator & Parent Retreat

This June join us at

Vail Cascade

Resort & Spa


Early Bird Special
Register today and get a head start planning next summer's family vacation


View the event flyer

for more details about this

exciting event

or call


For helpful tips, special promotions, and event announcements, join Love and Logic® on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Pinterest.

Funny Parenting Stories and Funny Stories from the Classroom: amusing audios available for your listening pleasure, compliments of Love and Logic. Visit this page to download and enjoy.
© 2015 Love and Logic Institute, Inc. All copyright infringement laws apply. Permission granted for forwarding and/or for a single photocopy or electronic reproduction of one email tip only. Please do not alter or modify. For more information, call the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. at 800-338-4065.
View as Web Page


Love and Logic Institute, Inc.  •  2207 Jackson St  •  Golden, CO 80401

Subscribe  •  Preferences  •  Send to a Friend  •  Unsubscribe  •  Report Spam

Powered by MyNewsletterBuilder