Winter Early Childhood Love and Logic Course at FMSA in Sandy Springs

FMSA Love and Logic morning class winter dates
Time : 9:30-11:30am
Dates: Thursdays Jan 12th & 19th, Feb 2nd, 16th, & 23rd.
Location: First Montessori School of Atlanta Library Conf Room
5750 Long Island Drive, NW Atlanta, GA 30327
Cost : $90 including workbook

Session 1: Thurs Jan 12th "Handling Misbehavior Without Breaking A Sweat."
The Power of Empathy

Session 2: Thurs Jan 19th "Teaching Kids to Listen....The FIRST Time."
The Uh-Oh Song

Session 3: Thurs Feb 2nd "Avoiding Power Struggles."
Effective Choices

Session 4: Thurs Feb 16th "Limits Create Happier Parents, Happier Kids, And Happier Families."
Enforceable Statements

Session 5: Thurs Feb 23rd
"What To Do When Your Kids Leave You Speechless."
The Energy Drain

Love & Logic Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun! Course Beg this Weds!

FMSA Love and Logic morning class dates
Time : 9:30-11:30am
Dates: Weds Oct 26th, Nov 2nd, Nov 9th, Nov 16th, and Nov 30th.
Location: First Montessori School of Atlanta Library Conf Room
5750 Long Island Drive, NW Atlanta, GA 30327
Cost : $90 including workbook

Session 1: Weds Oct 26th "Handling Misbehavior Without Breaking A Sweat."

Session 2: Weds Nov 2nd "Teaching Kids to Listen....The FIRST Time."

Session 3: Weds Nov 9th
"Avoiding Power Struggles."

Session 4: Weds Nov 16th
"Limits Create Happier Parents, Happier Kids, And Happier Families."

Session 5: Weds Nov 30th
"What To Do When Your Kids Leave You Speechless."


It's back to school and back to the RUSH ~ rushing to get ready for school, getting meals made, then before you know it, it's already time to get ready for bed! Yikes! Talk about Groundhog's Day everyday....How are we supposed to enjoy parenting with all these daily hassles? To find out, come join me for the Love and Logic Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun! Course, at my son's school, First Montessori School of Atlanta (FMSA). FMSA is located in the heart of Sandy Springs, off of Mt Vernon Rd on Long Island Drive.

The class begins this Weds Oct 26th at 930am. I am delighted to be facilitating this powerful parenting course again. It allows me the opportunity to educate, empower and connect parents, especially moms, to be the best parents we can be! In order to be successful in our complicated, rapidly changing world, we have to create our own Parent Villages to gather resources, gain support and learn effective techniques that are often very different from what worked for our parents. Knowledge is power!
Cheers ~
Andrea

Andrea L Gooldy, M.S. Parent Educator, Parent Coach & Workshop Facilitator Independent Love and Logic Facilitator 'Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun!' Certified Screamfree Parenting Leader AndreaParentCoach@gmail.com 404-932-9393 Check out the latest on my Blog! www.andreaparentcoach.com

Be Funny! Tell a Joke to your child today:D

And encourage your child to tell you one thus building his or her sense of humor. Even if we laugh one more time per day or just laugh once, it's a start. Guessing for most of us parents, giggling is for kids, not us! Have we forgotten how to laugh? I sometimes think I have! I am amazed by how cracking a joke, especially at ourselves, lightens the mood, allows us "adults" to take ourselves less seriously, decreases stress and distracts from the day's challenges. Chris and I have such FUN laughing at Christopher's own laughter at his made up silly knock-knock jokes, which he often just copies from the ones we read from: "Super Incredible! Knock-Knock Jokes for Kids" by Bob Phillips. I bought this book at FMSA's book fair last year. Best purchase! I highly recommend buying a children's joke book. We often read at the dinner table to make more enjoyable for everyone!

As I've told big Chris for years, if just one person laughs at a joke or witty comment, even if it's the one who said it like myself, then gosh darn it, it's funny! That's my story and I'm sticking to it. So let me know who has told a joke today, or has been goofy and spread some laughter.....watch out, it's contagious:D In addition to telling knock-knock jokes, try Wii Dance for Kids for instant goofiness.

Another way to find humor in our lives is to keep track of the funny things we do in our daily routine and share with our kiddies. Yes, we'll have to let them in on that secret that we're not perfect and we make mistakes too. A couple of weeks ago Christopher asked if adults made mistakes like kids do. So since then I have been trying to share ones I made at his age such as ending up in the boys bathroom instead of the girls in 1st grade, on my first day at the school, because I was following the boy in front of me! And last week when I put my hair smoothing product on my face instead of my hair, thinking it was my moisturizer. Not really that funny but I did pause and smile thinking silly mommy, always multitasking.

As usual, added more than just info on the knock-knock jokes! Yes, miss detailed over here. I'll leave you with one of my favorite knock-knock jokes from the above book:
"Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Muffin
Muffin who?
Muffin ventured, nothing gained!"

Yes cheesy but hopefully got a chuckle from you!

ScreamFree Parenting: Beating the Bulge without Creating a Battle

Beating the Bulge without Creating a Battle
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
By: Jenny Runkel - www.screamfree.com

Beating Food Battles and Creating Healthy Kids

Michelle Obama's "Let's Go" campaign is tackling one of America's biggest problems - no pun intended. America's kids are less active and more rotund than ever, and it's threatening the very lives of humanity's future. With skyrocketing child obesity rates, this "battle" is nothing to be taken lightly. And, it definitely seems like the food producers are on the kids' side. Whether it's the junk food that lines the aisles of Kroger, fills the Nickelodeon commercials, or populates the McDonald's kids' menus, parents and healthy nutrition seem to have the odds stacked against them.

So, with all of that noted, it's easy for us as parents to gear up for battle, right? If it's a true, never-ending battle you seek, then go right ahead. Prepare for war. But if it's a great relationship with your kids you really want, a relationship filled with mutual respect in which both parents and children naturally choose, on their own, to take an interest in their own nutrition, then prepare for a different path altogether.

I, of course, call it the ScreamFree Path. The first step is learning to calm our parental anxiety and recognize a few certain truths about this issue. They are:

Food battles are more about parent/child dynamics than they are about nutrition. Parents allowing the whimsical tests from their kids to dictate their own demeanor and behavior are falling prey not to their kids' immaturity, but to their own. Calm down and accept your position as the grownup here. If you don't first accept it, then your kids never will.

No child under 10 has ever voluntarily starved him/herself to death instead of eating vegetables. Yes, eating disorders are serious diseases among teenagers and their families. They are a highly developed condition centering on enormous battles of will between children and their parents and their body image. But that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about young children beginning to eat healthy food choices. And while it may be tough for you to allow your kid to go hungry, relax; he won't do it for long. The question is whether his hunger will speak louder to him than your anxiety. If it does, then he'll eat. If not, then you'll need to deal with the next truth…

Parents anxiously needing their kids to eat the dinner they "slaved over" will always be wondering why their kids don't respect them. Wanting our kids to respect us and others comes naturally. But, needing them to respect us, appreciate us, and validate all of our efforts is a recipe for disaster. You know what people respect? Self-validation. We respect, and long to follow and learn from, leaders who exude a calm confidence and invite others to join them along a path of new discovery. Leaders who still follow that path even if we refuse that invitation. Our kids are begging us to lead them like that in all areas of life, including the arena of food.

Parents can never expect their kids to eat a healthier diet than they do. Some of you may want to stop reading right here. But just like with our money habits, our eating habits are far more influential than our words of instruction. Kids can spot double-standards from a mile away, and they certainly won't follow someone they can't trust. If we want our kids to exercise self-regulation and healthy exploration in their eating, then we first must do so ourselves. Try and go a week focusing more on your own habits than your kids'. Only then will you be humbled enough to exercise this next truth…

Parents must learn to both restrict and respect their kids' choices. The principle here is to calmly acknowledge that our kids have choices in life, and it is our job to help them become good decision-makers. That is not the same thing as making them eat their veggies. It is a matter of listening to and observing their preferences, offering them a balance of things they already like and things they haven't tried, while highlighting the consequences of their choices.

None of these truths offer a magic prescription, but that's because there is no such thing. I know that is really frustrating for parents who are mired in the battle of the bulge, but remember, you are hoping to create self-directed adults who choose, on their own, to be healthy. By committing yourself to a ScreamFree Path, you will begin to see that the food battle itself is the real villain, and the relationship we have with our kids is the victim when we engage. So, choose your path carefully, because a strong, vital relationship will go a long way towards creating the healthy patterns you desire.

 

Positive Discipline ~ The Power of Hugs

Hi L & L Class,
Believe Paula has the Positive Discipline tool cards on her iphone. Paula, have you been using them at all? Thought I would pass along the below as I find giving Christopher a hug, even when he's being not very sweet, or my asking for a hug, has been very effective in calming both of us and/or diffusing a power struggle. As well as preventing several meltdowns.

Paula, hugging might be an option for Jack during his recent "out of sorts" / transition times. Kristen, I thought immediately of your using the hug tool with Ansley, even when you feel she might be bullying / bothering her baby brother as described . And teaching Ansley to say something similar to "I need attention" when she's close to a tantrum, is overwhelmed, etc.
Please let me know if anyone of you give a hug or ask for a hug during a challenging situation! Andrea

Another Hug Story
by Jane Nelsen (including podcast with Beth Whitehead)

Some of you may know that a "Hug" is one of my favorite Positive Discipline Tools. During this podcast you will understand why as I interview Beth Whitehead after she sent me the following success story.

Dear Jane,

As you may remember, I had a situation with my older daughter (3 yrs old) taking toys away from our littler one (1 1/2 years).  My new behavior was to try hugging the older one when she was being a bully.  SO, something came up today that I really wanted to share:

I was past my patience level and almost yelling at Eden (3) to go sit on the couch, rather than staying underfoot as I was loading the dryer and hassling her little sister for some reason or another.  She was also crying and possibly about to tantrum.  I stopped and just hugged her, as we discussed.  It was PERFECT!  She stopped crying & whining. And then SHE suggested we hug the little one.  I didn't have to do anything else.

Another quick story: Eden was in full tantrum on a different occasion and I thought back to our exercise of asking for a hug.  That worked, too!  It totally diffused the situation and she calmed down.

Also, I taught my daughter to say, "I need attention" when she just needs a hug or for me to stop doing whatever I am doing.  It works so well and is so much better than my getting annoyed and not noticing that she needs me to stop and pay her more attention.

I feel like I am finally on my way to really helping my babies feel understood.  Thank you for all you do Jane!!

Very Sincerely,

Beth

Where's Your Village?

"They say it Takes a Village to Raise a Child, but no one ever tells you where it is or how to get there." - Shoebox by Hallmark

Joining a parenting class, whether my Love and Logic or ScreamFree Parenting, gives you your much needed Village!

Positive Discipline : Agreements

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From: Positive Discipline <jane.nelsen@gmail.com>

Sender: noreply+feedproxy@google.com

Date: Tue, 17 May 2011 20:38:23 +0000

To: <Andreaparentcoach@gmail.com>

Subject: Positive Discipline with Dr. Jane Nelsen

Positive Discipline with Dr. Jane Nelsen

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Agreements - A Positive Discipline Tool Card Posted: 16 May 2011 02:02 PM PDT Why don't children keep their agreements? Could it be that sometimes parents say, "This is what we are going to do? Do you agree?" When the question is asked in an authoritarian manner that doesn't leave room for argument, children often shrug in agreement, which really means, "Sure, I'll agree to get you off my back, but I don't really agree." Involvement=cooperation. Children will usually keep their agreements when they have been respectfully involved in creating the agreements, which requires several steps. The reason for the word "usually" will be discussed later. 1. Sit down together during a calm time (not at the time of conflict) and have a respectful discussion about the issue that requires an agreement. It is important to wait until everyone has calmed down before a rational discussion can be achieved. 2. During the discussion time, be sure that everyone has an opportunity to share his or her thoughts and feelings about the issue. Interruptions are not allowed when someone is sharing. Some families use a three minute sand flow timer. The person who is sharing can have the whole three minutes, or can stop before his or her time is up by saying so. The person or people listening are not allowed to defend, explain, or give their opinion until it is their turn. 3. Brainstorming comes only after everyone has had a chance to share. Make brainstorming fun where any suggestion is written down—no matter how wild or crazy. Do not give opinions about brainstorm ideas. This is not the time for discussion. Just get lots of ideas written down on paper. It is a good idea to focus on solutions. 4. During agreement time, it is okay to discuss the pros and cons of each brainstormed idea. You might start by asking: Is there anything that should be eliminated because it is not practical? (Perhaps you can't afford it, or you don't have other resources available to accomplish the idea.) Is there anything that should be eliminated because it is disrespectful to anyone involved? Is there anything that should be eliminated because it wouldn't really solve the problem? 5. Hopefully there will be some suggestions left. Choose one that everyone can agree to. 6. If appropriate, choose an exact time for completion of the agreement. For example, if your daughter agreed to mow the lawn, negotiate for a time that works for both of you. 7. When an agreement isn't kept, respectfully ask, "What was our agreement?" Read on to discover why this may be necessary. The reason children "usually" keep their agreements when they have been respectfully involved. Children are children. Even when they really do intend to keep their agreements, they don't have the same priorities as adults. They may intend to mow the lawn, but since it is not high on their priority list, it may be "forgotten." How often do you get to the items you should do, but that are not high on your list of priorities? Since having the lawn mowed is high on your priority list, and since you have respectfully involved your child in creating an agreement, which included a specific deadline; it is okay to respectfully ask your child, "What was our agreement?" If these steps don't promote successful agreement, start again from the top. During step two you may discover the reasons—and you will be giving everyone an opportunity to keep learning from mistakes. Click Here for Positive Discipline Tool Cards Subscribe to Positive Discipline by Email

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Love and Logic Parenting Tip: Frustrated Preschoolers

------Original Message------
From: Love and Logic Institute, Inc.
To: -AAndrea Gooldy
ReplyTo: Love and Logic Institute
Subject: Frustrated Preschoolers
Sent: Nov 24, 2010 1:22 PM

To receive email from Love and Logic Institute, Inc., add reply@loveandlogicnews.com to your safe sender list. View as Web Page Subscribe Send to a Friend Love and Logic Institute, Inc. Helping Raise Responsible Kids Since 1977™ When Preschoolers Get Frustrated Dear Andrea,   Have you ever noticed how frustrated many small children get when they try to do something "big" and it doesn't work out?   One parent commented to me, "Every time my three-year-old has trouble putting on her socks, reaching the soap in the bathroom, getting her zipper zipped, or anything else, she throws a huge screaming fit."   It has to be horribly frustrating for little ones to find themselves struggling to do things that just aren't working out! It's also frustrating for parents to hear the screaming! In our home, we've tried all sorts of ineffective techniques, such as trying to do it for them, bossing them around about how they should do the task, and even screaming about their screaming.   The technique that works like a charm involves the following five steps:   Step One: Empathize.   "Oh, that must be so frustrating."   Step Two: Hand the problem back to your child.   "What do you think you are going to do?"   Step Three: Ask for permission to share some ideas.   "Would you like to hear what other kids have tried?"   Step Four: Give them three or four simple ideas and ask, "How will that work for you?"   "Some kids decide… How will that work for you?"   Step Five: Allow them to learn through experimentation.   "Good luck. If you need any more ideas, let me know."   Just the other day, our three-year-old was screaming because his toy "digger" wasn't digging the hard dirt in the garden. After he heard some solutions and decided to try it in his sandbox instead, he smiled from ear to ear.   I guess that works better than getting frustrated!  For more information about this technique check out our CD, Four Steps to Responsibility.   Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.   Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving! Dr. Charles Fay     If we have misspelled your name, or if this isn't you, please click here to correct. ©2010 Love and Logic Institute, Inc. All copyright infringement laws apply. Permission granted for photocopy reproduction and forwarding. Please do not alter or modify contents. For more information, call the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. at 800-338-4065.   For helpful tips, special promotions, and event announcements, follow Love and Logic® on Twitter and become a fan on Facebook.   Teachers and Parents Don't miss Dr. Charles Fay in Des Moines on Tuesday, 11/30. Register online or call 800-338-4065 for more information.     Exclusive Member Discount   Four Steps to Responsibility This week save 25%   Discount price to Insider Club members only: $10.45 Regular Price $13.95   To shop our online store click on the link above, then "Add to Cart" and enter the coupon code "112410"     Parenting Classes Visit this page to find an independent facilitator that teaches Love and Logic classes in your area. "Funny Parenting Stories" and "Funny Stories from the Classroom": amusing audios available for your listening pleasure, compliments of Love and Logic®. Visit this page to download and enjoy. Love and Logic Institute, Inc. • 800-338-4065 2207 Jackson St • Golden • CO • 80401 Shop Our Store | Visit Our Website | Forward to a Friend | Edit Your Profile | Subscribe Unsubscribe | Report Spam

ScreamFree Tip: It's Tough to be Eight

For all of you for kids that are 8 years old!
------Original Message------
From: The ScreamFree Institute
To: Parent Coach Andrea
ReplyTo: The ScreamFree Institute
Subject: Tip of the Day: It's Tough to be Eight
Sent: Nov 3, 2010 4:00 AM

November 3, 2010 | Here's your daily parenting tip from ScreamFree "When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business."
            - Lenny Bruce, U.S. comedian (1925-1966)
 
Hal's Take:  
It is easy for parents to forget what it was like to be a kid. It's easy to forget what it's like being small.  Feeling as if no part of your life is up to you and having to constantly play follow the leader. Here's a tip: the next time one of your children is battling you in a seemingly nonsensical way, (e.g. pitching a fit for no reason), try a little empathy. "Wow, seems like you're having a rough day. Is this one of those, it's tough-to-be-8 type of days?" He may not automatically respond in a way that you'd like, but he'll definitely get the impression that you're trying to understand. And that can sometimes make all of the difference.
-Hal Runkel, LMFT author of ScreamFree Parenting
  
   



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Positive Discipline ~ Parenting Teens: How Do You Know When Your Child Becomes a Teen?

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From: Positive Discipline <jane.nelsen@gmail.com>

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Date: Wed, 06 Apr 2011 20:15:18 +0000

To: <Andreaparentcoach@gmail.com>

Subject: Positive Discipline with Dr. Jane Nelsen

Positive Discipline with Dr. Jane Nelsen

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Parenting Teens: How Do You Know When Your Child Becomes a Teen? Posted: 06 Apr 2011 12:15 PM PDT The following is an excerpt from the book Positive Discipline for Teenagers by Jane Nelsen and Lynn Lott. You know you have a teenager when you hear yourself complaining, "She has no purpose. He won't help. She only cares about her friends. He is so self-centered. Her room is a mess. I can't trust him. This is out of control. I can 't stand her hair, clothes, makeup, or music.  He wastes his money. She resents me and idolizes rock stars. He is on drugs and treats me like dirt. She is moody and irresponsible."   Another sign that you have an adolescent is when you hear him complaining, "My parents treat me like a kid. They think I 'm having sex all the time. They butt in. They hate my friends. They give advice. They try to live my life for me. They are never satisfied. All they do is ask questions and control my life. Why can 't they just leave me alone?"  The Dream Teen and the Normal Teen IN OUR WORKSHOP on parenting teenagers, we asked one group to draw a "normal" teen, or how most parents see their teens. The composite teen was messy and self-centered, listened to loud music, defied authority, preferred friends to family, decorated room with posters, valued cars and an independent lifestyle, conformed to the clothing styles of peers (no matter how gross), smoked, and drank alcohol. Comments from the group included: "Well this is an exaggeration. All teens aren't like this." "But, it sure does depict the rebelliousness because most of them are a lot like this." "It helps to be reminded that my teen would not be normal if he cleaned his room." "Come to think about it, I was like that once."  The last comment was a nice reminder to the group that we all continue to grow and change beyond adolescence.   Another group was asked to draw a "dream" teen, or how most parents think they want their teens to be. The composite teen was voted prom queen or king, kept agreements ("I promise to be there on time, as always."), volunteered to help, loved to talk to parents ("Let me tell you everything about my life."), ate only healthy food, didn't watch television, was very athletic, earned two scholarships (one athletic and one academic), scored high on the SATs,  lined up a summer job by January, supplied his or her own money for hair or makeup and saved the rest for college and a car, respected everyone (including siblings), was respectfully  assertive, and was an A student. Comments from the group included: "A teen like this wouldn't have any friends." "No one could stand him." "I have friends who have a teen like this and I can 't stand her." " My teen is like this, although she seems pretty stressed most of the time." This exercise reveals that although you may fantasize about having an ideal teen, you instinctively know that such a creature is rarely found. Even though the reality of living with a "normal" teen can be quite painful, it will be easier if you can come to a deeper understanding of what is happening during adolescence. Someone once said that the teen years were created so parents would find it easier to let go when their children turned twenty. At times this statement seems like an understatement.  Some teens can be very hard to love. They make promises that they forget to keep. They think they know everything and continually tell you how stupid you are. They hate to clean their rooms, they listen to music you can 't stand, and they exaggerate everything. They even talk funny. Sometimes they talk so fast, only another teenager can understand what they 're saying.  Other teens seem to withdraw into a shell. They don 't put you down, they just clam up or revert to one-word sentences such as, "Yeah" or  "Nah."  Occasionally you may hear three words, "I don 't know."   Often, parents look at their teens and feel a sense of failure. You may wonder how you could have created such a monster. You may wonder if there is any hope for one last chance to teach them lessons and to mold them into decent human beings. You may feel desperate and hopeless, angry and aggravated. If you could simply relax and remember that these are the years when your children are experimenting in an attempt to find out what they think, you could enjoy them more. If you gave up trying to teach them and instead learned to be curious and amazed, you could appreciate their struggle. If you could relax, you could trust that who they are now is in no way a reflection on you or indicative of who they will be when they grow up. With these new attitudes, you could focus on long-range parenting and learn to be a guide and facilitator who your teen could trust. Take a Trip Down Memory Lane THINK BACK TO your teen years. Do you remember what your world was like? What were your issues? What did you think about all day? Take time to make a list of what was important to you. You might even want to talk to people who were teens during different decades (the 1990s, 1980s, 1970s, and so forth). Ask them what was important to them as teens, what they were like, and how they were parented. Compare your information with the following issues, mentioned by teens today: TEEN ISSUES Am I going to get invited to the dance? What should I wear? How can I find time for studying? How can I be popular, or at least included? How can I get a car? What should I do about drinking, drugs, and sex? What is happening to my body? Will my breasts/penis be as big as the other kids '?  Will other kids think I'm cool? How can I get my parents off my back? Should I go to college? What is there to do? (I'm bored) What are other kids saying about me behind my back? How can I ever please my parents? (All they care about is grades and chores.)    Notice that these issues do not include anything about clean rooms, a clean house, doing chores, spending time with family, being considerate, or being nice to brothers and sisters. Parents often think that their teens are doing or not doing certain things because they want to hurt their parents or that their teens are being disrespectful of their wishes. As you can see from your list and the list above, teenagers usually aren't thinking much about their parents. Parents will be much happier if they accept and respect the fact that, for instance, chores are not a priority for teens. That doesn't mean they shouldn't do them. It does mean you'll have better results if you acknowledge to your children, "I can understand that chores aren't a priority for you, but they need to be done anyway. Let 's work on a plan to make chores as easy as possible." What Is Happening During Adolescence? IF YOU THINK that how your children behave as teenagers is who they will be for the rest of their lives, you probably feel a fair amount of anxiety. Although it may seem otherwise, your teens have not grown up to be terrible people, because they are not grown up yet. They are individuating; their behavior is only temporary. It will last for as long as it takes for them to find out who they are and how they can move from childhood to adulthood. Many life tasks are inherent in child growth and development. These tasks may be physical, intellectual, emotional, social, psychological, or spiritual. As young people move through adolescence, from childhood to adulthood, their primary task is individuation. CHARACTERISTICS OF INDIVIDUATION Adolescents have a need to find out who they are. Individuation usually looks like rebellion to parents. Adolescents go through huge physical and emotional changes. Peer relationships take precedence over family relationships. Teens explore and exercise personal power and autonomy. Teens have a great need for privacy. Parents become an embarrassment to their teens. Teens see themselves as omnipotent and all knowing. Adolescents Have a Need to Find Out Who They Are Teens want to know how they are different from their families, how they feel and what they think about things, and what their own values are. This process of separation from the family in preparation for an independent adulthood is called individuation. Individuation Usually Looks Like Rebellion to Parents Although most parents worry when their teenagers rebel, it would be more appropriate to worry if they didn't. Teenagers must begin their separation from their families, and rebellion gives them the ability to do this. At first, teens may rebel by challenging what is important to their families (family values) or zeroing in on what their parents want and then doing exactly the opposite. Later, they may rebel in other ways—but at first individuation is primarily a reaction against their parents, and doing the opposite is the simplest, most natural way of being different. If teens are not allowed to rebel, they may do it in their twenties, thirties, or fifties. Even worse, they may become approval junkies— afraid to take risks or to feel comfortable with who they are. Adolescents Go Through Huge Physical and Emotional Changes Whether they like it or not, adolescents are maturing physically and sexually, undergoing biological processes that are essentially out of their control. In addition to the tumultuous, contradictory feelings these major changes cause, adolescents may feel anxiety regarding their rate of change—they may feel their physical maturation is too quick or too slow in relation to that of their peers. (Most parents would prefer their children to mature slowly, but nature has its own patterns.)    The physical maturation process, with its sudden and powerful hormonal changes, causes mood swings. Without premeditation, teens are delightful one minute and biting your head off the next. In addition, some teens are in such a rapid rate of physical growth that they experience real "growing pains," where their bodies actually hurt. Peer Relationships Take Precedence Over Family Relationships Teens need to work out their relationships with peers to find out if and how they fit in.  Friendships take the place of time spent with family. Although peer relationships help teens in their task of separation, parents often interpret it as rejection or rebellion. Have patience. If you avoid power struggles and criticism, your teen will become one of your best friends in his or her twenties. Teens Explore and Exercise Personal Power and Autonomy Teens have a strong desire to find out what they are capable of—they need to test their power and importance in the world. This means that they want to decide what they can do for themselves without being directed and ordered. Parents often take this as a challenge to their own power, thus creating power struggles. Some teens find personal power so intimidating that they want others, usually their peers, to tell them what to do, which can be a dangerous consequence of overly controlling parents. This is not a very easy choice— rebellion or compliance—but it 's often the only choice teens see when they don 't have the opportunity to exercise their own personal power and autonomy. For parents, the key is learning to support teen rebellion in respectful ways that teach important life skills, which is the focus of this book. Teens Have a Great Need for Privacy Because their rate of development moves so fast and is out of their control, it can be embarrassing for teens to have their families watching and knowing. As teens try to figure out what 's important to them, they may engage in activities without parental approval before deciding for themselves that they might not want to do the activities after all. To escape getting in trouble or to avoid disappointing you, teens will figure out how to test activities that you may not approve of without your knowledge. Your teen's need for privacy can be very scary for you. You may worry that you are not being a responsible parent if you don 't know everything your teen is doing. You may fear that your teen might build bombs (or engage in some other disastrous activity) if you are not vigilant. We have news for you: If your teens are going to engage in these activities, they will do it in spite of your vigilance. They will just go underground so they have less chance of getting caught. The best prevention for possible disaster is to build kind and firm relationships with your teens—let them know that they are unconditionally important to you and provide opportunities for them to learn important life skills. They will then be able to think for themselves and figure out what is important to them. Accomplishing this goal is the aim of this book. Parents Become an Embarrassment to Their Teens During the teenage years, teens tend to put their parents down and try to show parents how "stupid" they are. Sometimes teens act embarrassed around their parents and families in public or may even refuse to be seen with them. The affection that may have been a normal part of family life may suddenly become taboo. We will remind you many times that this is a temporary condition, unless you make an issue of it that builds resentment for the future. Teens See Themselves as Omnipotent and All Knowing Parents who try to tell teens how to dress or eat or what they can or can't do just don't seem to understand that teens never get sick, don 't get cold, don't need sleep, and can live forever on junk food or no food at all. Many parents wonder how their children even survive these years, but the facts are that most teens do. To some it may seem that the methods we advocate are permissive and increase the chances of drastic consequences. The opposite is true. Not Permissiveness OFTEN, WE GET a very strong reaction from parents who read this list of teenage characteristics. The comments of these parents are very similar, "You can't just stop being a parent and let kids go off on their own to individuate." That last word is said with a great deal of sarcasm. We do not advocate permissiveness, because that kind of parenting deprives young people of the opportunities to learn life skills, to develop their own potential, to be self-reliant and responsible, and to learn from their mistakes. To do all of this, they need guidance (kind and firm parenting as described in chapter 3), but not external controls, which only increase rebellion. Throughout this book, we show you how to help guide your teens in new, positive ways. Positive Discipline for Teenagers Item Id: B110 Retail Price: $16.95 Your Savings: $6.00 Your Price: $10.95 Subscribe to Positive Discipline by Email

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Love and Logic: Poor Sport

------Original Message------
From: Love and Logic Institute, Inc.
To: -AAndrea Gooldy
ReplyTo: Love and Logic Institute
Subject: Poor Sport
Sent: Apr 27, 2011 1:00 PM

To receive email from Love and Logic Institute, Inc., add reply@loveandlogicnews.com to your safe sender list. View as Web Page Subscribe Send to a Friend Love and Logic Institute, Inc. Helping Raise Responsible Kids Since 1977™ Poor Sport Dear Andrea,   Jason was having a bad day on the soccer field, yelling out criticisms to his teammates. "Settle down, Jason," warned his coach. "Give the others a break. It's not all about you. Share the ball or I'm going to have to pull you from the game."   Hearing this, Jason ran screaming at two of the other players, pushed one down and kicked the ball over the fence. Needless to say, he was pulled from the game.   The trip home was no fun for his mom as she listened to him complaining about how stupid the other kids were and how unfair the coach was treating him. All she could think about was that her son had forgotten their talks that it is more important to be a good person and a good sport than it is to be a soccer star.   The next day, Mom made phone calls to the coach and to several of the other team mothers. "I need your help to teach Jason the importance of becoming a good person rather than just a good soccer player. Would you be willing to charge Jason if he calls for rides to games? You would? Oh, thank you so much."   Mom then had a discussion with Jason. "I take you to your soccer games because it's fun for me. Your last game wasn't fun. I was embarrassed by your behavior. I will drive you to your game again some day after the coach tells me that you have become a good sport."   "How am I supposed to get to the games if you're not driving me?"   "Well, sweetie, that's something I was wondering about as well."   "I'll just get a ride with some of the other guys."   After making several calls, Jason yelled, "This is a rip off! All the other moms want to charge me to ride with them. They don't even care if the team loses! This stinks!"   Mom held the line. After several weeks and Jason having spent $20.00 on rides, the coach called with a good report and lavish thanks to this courageous mother.   The remaining games were a lot more fun for both Jason and his mother.   To learn more tips for raising respectful, responsible kids, watch our DVD Real World Parenting Solutions. For those of you in Wisconsin, I will be in the Madison area on Tuesday, 5/3. Register here or call 800-338-4065 for additional information.   Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.   Jim Fay         For helpful tips, special promotions, and event announcements, follow Love and Logic® on Twitter and become a fan on Facebook.   If we have misspelled your name, or if this isn't you, please click here to correct.   ©2011 Love and Logic Institute, Inc. All copyright infringement laws apply. Permission granted for forwarding and/or for a single photocopy or electronic reproduction of one email tip only. Please do not alter or modify. For more information, call the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. at 800-338-4065.   Teachers and Parents  Don't miss Jim Fay in the Madison area on Tuesday, 5/3. Register online or call 800-338-4065 for more information.     Exclusive Member Discount   Real World Parenting Solutions: That Prepare Kids for the Real World This week save 25%   Discount price to Insider Club members only: $22.46 Regular Price $29.95 To shop our online store click on the link above, then "Add to Cart" and enter the coupon code "042711"     Parenting Classes Looking for a local Love and Logic class? 

ScreamFree Parenting Tip: "If you want to see what children can do, you must stop giving them things."

Good Afternoon Screamfree-ers!
Some more reasons to "practice" being a mentor to our children or consultant parent, as Love and Logic calls it. Let's work on letting our kids struggle, just one task/activity at a time, often causing some discomfort for ourselves because we just observe rather than doing. One montessori teacher suggested, to a good mom friend of mine, to "sit on her hands" instead of getting over involved in helping her daughter. Struggling presents the opportunity for our little ones to gain confidence. Think about how you have become confident in certain areas of your life. I'll leave you with one of the guiding concepts of Love and Logic that is completely in line the Screamfree email below. "I don't become what I think I can. I don't become what you think I can. I become what I think you think I can." Happy Easter:)
Andrea

Check out my blog ~
Www.andreaparentcoach.com

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From: The ScreamFree Institute <info@screamfree.com>

Date: Thu, 21 Apr 2011 03:00:03 -0500 (CDT)

To: <andreaparentcoach@gmail.com>

ReplyTo: The ScreamFree Institute <info@screamfree.com>

Subject: ScreamFree Tip of the Day: The Gift that Keeps on Giving

Share with a Friend April 21, 2011 | Here's your daily parenting tip from ScreamFree "If you want to see what children can do, you must stop giving them things." -Norman Douglas, British Author (1868-1952)     Hal'sTake:   It’s an ironic twist of fate that the more things we give to our children, the less creative and self-sufficient they become with those things. I don’t claim to know why this is true, but I do know that I have seen the truth of it play out in countless families I’ve counseled and in my own. We all have good intentions when we give answers, goodies, and assistance to our children. We like to see them happy. We want them to have the things we never could. We want to give them a leg up in this harsh world. And if we’re honest, we’ll admit that sometimes it’s even less noble than that. It’s just easier to give your child something than to watch them struggle on their own without it. You want your child to learn the value of doing family chores, but the thought of fighting with junior one more time over folding the clothes just sends you off the deep end. Am I alone here? Here’s what we have to keep in mind when we are tempted to give our kids more and more. The best thing we can give our children is our confidence in them. When they can tell, through our actions, that we believe them to be creative and capable because we don’t rush to rescue them from boredom or hard work, they will start to believe in themselves. Then watch out. They’ll start doing things that neither of you thought possible. -Hal Runkel, LMFT, Author of ScreamFree Parenting and ScreamFree Marriage

© The ScreamFree Institute Inc. The ScreamFree Institute Inc., 45 Technology Parkway South, Suite 240, Norcross, GA 30092. 678-672-6410 www.screamfree.com Unsubscribe |  Forward to a Friend |  Homepage Connect With Us

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L & L Course Positive Feedback

Andrea-
"Please keep offering this class and your services! I am so grateful for them. I continue to be astounded by my mom friends who react with "Why?" when I tell them I am taking a parenting class. We train for years for our professions, but then when it comes to being a parent - the hardest job we will ever have - a 24-hour, ultra demanding job that is constantly changing and evolving, we are supposed to just wing it or fall back on patterns established by our parents, who got it from their parents. That just does not make sense to me. So I am truly grateful for your support and all your help. Yes, you can include any feedback from me on your blog if it will help other parents get on board. I wish I could convince my parents, in-laws, and babysitters to take the class because we could all do so much better. Thank you so much for offering them again! Even though I made 4 out of the 5 sessions in the first series, I will make as many as I can in this second series for a refresher!"

~ Mom of a 4 & 2 year old and a former middle school teacher ~

Sat ScreamFree Tip: "Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still."

Hi Screamfree Moms ~
Looking forward to seeing you all, after our two week break, this Tuesday at 11am at Chris'. I'll be sending out an overview of our upcoming ScreamFree Parenting session tomorrow or Monday morning. The title of the session is Putting Your Oxygen Mask on First.

In the meantime, just try to be a tiny bit more patient and/or kind with yourself. Notice how you talk to yourself....is it in a critical or encouraging way. The better we treat ourselves, the better we will treat others, particularly our kids. I like the bamboo analogy of slow ,even unnoticeable, daily growth yet ultimately yielding amazing results over an extended period ~ who knew?!

So as Hal says below:
"When it comes to making any sort of lasting change, slower is oftentimes better..." Therefore instead of getting mad/frustrated at ourselves for our reactionary parenting style, take a deep breath or several and say "I'm working on it" or "next time I will be calmer". Quoting Chicken Little "Today is a New Day" has also given me a boost to recover / move forward, building on progress, rather than focusing on my mistakes. Let's keep supporting each other in taking baby steps and being realistic on how long lasting change actually takes:)
Andrea

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From: The ScreamFree Institute <info@screamfree.com>

Date: Fri, 15 Apr 2011 03:00:05 -0500 (CDT)

To: <andreaparentcoach@gmail.com>

ReplyTo: The ScreamFree Institute <info@screamfree.com>

Subject: ScreamFree Tip of the Day: Bamboo Baby

Share with a Friend April 15, 2011 | Here's your daily parenting tip from ScreamFree "Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still." -Chinese proverb     Hal's Take:   The first step of lasting growth is to change your thinking about growth itself. Making small changes and being gentle with yourself in the process is your best bet to achieving the kind of difference you’re hoping to make. “Instant results” whether on the scale or in your home will only land you back where you don’t want to be – so think like a bamboo stalk. For the first two years after it is planted, no matter how much the gardener wants it to spread – and no matter how much care he gives it – the stalk will remain about the same. On the surface, nothing is really happening, but underground, the plant is developing shoots that will soon surface and spread like crazy. Once these shoots emerge, they have been clocked to grow up to 47” in a 24 hour period. When it comes to making any sort of lasting change, slower is oftentimes better. If you have overeaten and not exercised for 10 years, you cannot expect to change your habits and undo the damage in a couple of workouts. The same is true for parenting. If you are reversing not only years, but maybe decades of reactionary child rearing – going back to the way that you were raised – you have to be patient with yourself. Keep on keepin’ on and you’ll be amazed at where you end up. -Hal Runkel, LMFT, Author of ScreamFree Parenting and ScreamFree Marriage

© The ScreamFree Institute Inc. The ScreamFree Institute Inc., 45 Technology Parkway South, Suite 240, Norcross, GA 30092. 678-672-6410 www.screamfree.com Unsubscribe |  Forward to a Friend |  Homepage Connect With Us

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