Good afternoon to my Springmont Love and Logic class 💟
Just wanted to forward on this L & L weekly parenting tip
because I know we've had discussions about what happens if our kiddos actually enjoy the consequence, like time in their crib, bed, bedroom or think it's fun to help spray floor to clean up the milk that they spilled. Read on for more background on how best to tee up a situation where our little ones (an eventually bigger ones) can actually learn from the consequence. And to keep in mind that our real goal, when looking at the Big picture, is to raise the odds of having respectful, responsible and resilient kids. Looks like a couple of you can make it this Fri morning at Springmont for our final session! Let's meet at 9:15 am as I will need be done & packed up by 11:40am. Again, fine if arrive late or need to leave early:)
As I may have noted before, you can quickly subscribe to these weekly emails by going to the L & L website then just adding your email address. Believe the option is on the top right of the home page. Helpful to have these positive reminders, on a regular basis. And remembering to utilize your parenting village if you need support around coming up with effective choices, enforceable statements, how to be more empathetic, coming up with consequence that your child will learn from, etc. Of course, it often requires trial and error to figure a lot of what works and doesn't work ~ darn it!
Ask instead: "Was the problem solved? Was the damage paid for or repaired? Was the person's time or energy made up? Did the kid make it right?"
Or: "Do I have a wise friend who might help me find more logical restitution than lifetime grounding?" |
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Andrea L GooldyParent Educator and Coach
Begin forwarded message:
From: "Love and Logic Institute, Inc." <reply@loveandlogicnews.com>
Date: January 8, 2014 at 12:32:25 PM EST
To: "Andrea Gooldy" <andreaparentcoach@gmail.com>
Subject: Making Sure Kids Learn from Consequences
Reply-To: "No Reply" <noreply@loveandlogic.com>
| |  Have you ever had a kid take the wind out of your sails by not showing a lot of remorse or concern when you deliver a consequence? Has that ever made you really want to "drop the hammer"?
It happens to the best of us. When most people get off track, it is because they've lost sight of the real goal (respectful, responsible kids) and focused on a lesser goal (winning). We've all been there.
For me, the best results with consequences seem to happen when the focus is solving a problem — versus causing massive discomfort for the kid. Sometimes, those two things intersect, but do not (repeat) DO NOT panic when a kid actually enjoys fixing the problem. Many kids have enjoyed repairing damage or making some other form of restitution. This does not mean the kid 'won' (and you lost). It means we feel good about ourselves when we work to solve problems.
This is where some logic comes in. Avoid asking: 'Did the kid suffer enough?'
Ask instead: "Was the problem solved? Was the damage paid for or repaired? Was the person's time or energy made up? Did the kid make it right?"
Or: "Do I have a wise friend who might help me find more logical restitution than lifetime grounding?"
These questions can put us in a better mindset to respond with more empathy and less wrath. In our popular "Oh Great! What Do I Do Now?" CD (or MP3 download), Dr. Charles Fay unpacks the elements that help kids really learn from consequences. For maximum benefit, download it right away and listen a few times before delivering your next consequence.
Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.
Jedd Hafer
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