Your Daily ScreamFree eQuip, with Founder Hal E. Runkel, LMFT
"I find it unusual that it is more socially acceptable to complain about what you havethan it is to ask for what you want."(Phil Lout)
Confront More, Complain LessLast week was the American week of gratitude. I hope yours was as rewarding as mine. But now, finally, we can get back to our national pastime: complaining.There is nothing we love better than complaining. After all, it does so much for us. It gives us a voice for our frustrations. It props us up for a few moments of legitimacy. It can even solicit a kind-hearted moment of empathy, which serves to remind us we're not alone.Most of all, complaining makes us feel like we're doing something about our injustice, thereby excusing us from the dastardly job of actually addressing it.As you adopt Authentic Self-Representation, however, you will find that complaining becomes less satisfactory. It begins to feel far better to confront yourself, checking that your feelings are justified, and then confront the person you were complaining about. You don't do this with rage; you don't do this with needy sadness. You do it with calm confidence, boldly asking for what you want, knowing you'll be okay if it doesn't happen.At least you gave the other person a chance to make it right, and more importantly, you gave yourself a true voice.