Parenting the L & L Way ~ Tomorrow Session 4 : Av

Evening L & L Parents,
Come find out tomorrow how we can actually gain more control by giving some of it away. I am anxious to hear how your last 2 weeks, or 3 weeks have been. Plus, if anyone has been listening to the CD's I have loaned out. I love hearing what you get from listening on your own. In Friday's session, we will learn more tips for setting limits without going to war. The main two benefits of giving choices :
1 - Doing so ups the odds of cooperation from our kids.
2 - It gives them plenty of decision making practice.

"When we try to hoard control, we lose it. When we share control, we gain it."

Please make note of our remaining session dates: May 2nd, May 13th and May 23rd
May 2nd : Session 5
May 23rd : Session 6
*** Extra session for make-up videos Tues May 13th ***

Rules for Providing Choices:
* Only give choices that fit your value system.
* Give 99% of choices when things are going smoothly.
* Give choices before your child becomes resistant.
* For each choice, give two options, each of which you like.
* Don't be afraid to say, "I usually get choices, but not this time."
* If your child doesn't choose very quickly, choose for him or her.

Some examples of effective choices:
> Will you be wearing your coat or carrying it?
> Are you going to take a shower or a bath?
> Will you be brushing your top teeth first or your bottom ones first?
> Do you want the blue sippy cup or the red one?
> Do you want to leave the playground in two mins or in five minutes?
> Do you prefer to walk next to me while we shop or sit in the shopping cart / stroller?
> I can pay for these clothes or you can pay for the designer ones. It's your choice.

"Never tell a stubborn child what to do.
Instead, describe what you are willing to do or allow."

Cheers,
Andrea

L & L session 3 ~ Tomorrow Fri 9:15 AM at "Setting Limits Without Waging War" at Springmont

Don't Confuse the "Uh, Oh, Song" with Time-Out

Hi L & L parents, 

We will be going over the "uh oh song" tomorrow, which is described below as well as differentiated from a time out. Please note you can listen, vs read, the below parenting tip. Did any of you sign up via www.loveandlogic.com to receive weekly emails? There is also a 25% off special going on in case you want to get a cd, or download. In addition to the "uh oh song," we will learn about enforceable statements and strategic training sessions. Hope to see the majority of you, who are not away on Spring Break. Also, please bring back the CD's, if done listening. If not, you are welcome to keep until our next session, in two weeks. Any feedback on experimenting with the energy drain technique? I have a great cd on that. By the way, graduates welcome for Free, and a couple spots available for a drop in session ($20 for 2 hr session). 

Cheers,

Andrea 

Begin forwarded message:

From: "Love and Logic Institute, Inc." <user-8981@golfmnb.com>
Date: April 9, 2014 at 12:32:46 PM EDT
To: "Andrea Gooldy" <andreaparentcoach@gmail.com>
Subject: Don't Confuse the "Uh, Oh, Song" with Time-Out
Reply-To: "No Reply" <noreply@loveandlogic.com>

Writing about two-year-old twins, one of our followers says, "It seems lately that the tools we have used in the past are just not relating to them anymore. Our version of the 'Uh, Oh, Song' and removing them from a situation (time-out) is not relating to them these past two weeks. With them everything is, 'No.' Any suggestions?"   The solution to this problem is the consistent use of the "Uh, Oh, Song" applied exactly as prescribed instead of a version of the technique.   If you find it not being effective, ask yourself the following questions: Am I actually singing instead of talking? Singing "Uh, oh," instead of saying it indicates that the problem is the child's problem, not the parent's problem. Is the child staying away from the family until perfectly calm, regardless of the amount of time it takes? Am I using the egg timer after the child proves to be calm? Is the "egg timer time" adequate? In the event that the process doesn't seem to get the desired results, lengthen the amount of "egg timer time." Strong-willed children often need more time.  Many parents confuse the "Uh, Oh, Song" with "time-out." However, the above elements are not included in "time-out" and that is the reason why it has limited effectiveness.   The "Uh, Oh, Song" includes a number of solid psychological concepts, and was developed to: Help parents establish themselves as loving authority figures. Help parents establish loving limits and boundaries. Help parents simplify their job. Use this technique for every undesirable behavior. It even should be used for misbehaviors that no child has dreamed up yet. And it should definitely be applied when a youngster says, "No!" Use with children ages 1 to 5. Hear the "Uh, Oh, Song," modeled on the audio CD or download, Toddlers and Pre-Schoolers.   Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.   Jim Fay   2013 - 2014 Events Don't miss Jim Fay & Dr. Charles Fay in Boise, ID on Thursday, 4/17 or Jedd Hafer in Charlotte, NC on Tuesday, 4/22 Graduate-level credit and CEUs are available. Register online or call 800-338-4065. Exclusive Member Discount   This week save 25%       Toddlers and Pre-Schoolers (CD or download)   Discount price to Insider Club members only: $16.46 Regular Price $21.95   To shop our online store click on the link above, then click "Add to Cart" and enter the coupon code "040914" Build this summer's family vacation around the: Love and Logic Educator & Parent Retreat This June join us at Copper Mountain Resort, one of America's favorite get-a-ways, offering fun-filled activities for the whole family. Visit this page or call 800-338-4065 for more information.   For helpful tips, special promotions, and event announcements, join Love and Logic® on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and YouTube. Funny Parenting Stories and Funny Stories from the Classroom: amusing audios available for your listening pleasure, compliments of Love and Logic. Visit this page to download and enjoy.   © 2013 Love and Logic Institute, Inc. All copyright infringement laws apply. Permission granted for forwarding and/or for a single photocopy or electronic reproduction of one email tip only. Please do not alter or modify. For more information, call the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. at 800-338-4065.   View as Web Page

Love and Logic Institute, Inc.  •  2207 Jackson St  •  Golden, CO 80401 http://www.loveandlogic.com

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What Is Parenting with Love and Logic?

"I don't understand it. The techniques my parents used so effectively just don't seem to work with kids today." Does this statement sound familiar to you? A lot of parents today are wondering what to do with their kids and are frustrated because the old techniques just don't seem to get the job done.

Parents want to enjoy their kids, have fun with them, and enjoy a less stressful family life. But even if their kids are trouble-free right now, they fear what the coming teenage years will bring.

At no time in history have parents been more unsure of their parental role. Even the best are not all that sure about whether they are using the best techniques. They say that their kids don't appear to be much like the ones they knew in years past.

A lot of conflicting philosophies have been presented over the last 30 years. Many of these sound good, but don't seem to do the job of helping children become respectful, responsible, and a joy to be around.

Many ideas, offered with the best of intentions, center around making sure that kids are comfortable and feeling good about themselves in order to have a good self-concept. However, we have discovered that self-confidence is achieved through struggle and achievement, not through someone telling you that you are number one. Self-confidence is not developed when kids are robbed of the opportunity to discover that they can indeed solve their own problems with caring adult guidance.

There is, however, an approach to raising kids that provides loving support from parents

There is, however, an approach to raising kids that provides loving support from parents while at the same time expecting kids to be respectful and responsible.

This approach is known as Love and Logic, a philosophy founded by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, M.D., and based on the experience of a combined total of over 75 years working with and raising kids.

Many parents want their kids to be well prepared for life, and they know this means kids will make mistakes and must be held accountable for those mistakes. But these parents often fail to hold the kids accountable for poor decisions because they are afraid the kids will see their parents as being mean. The result is they often excuse bad behavior, finding it easier to hold others, including themselves, accountable for their children's irresponsibility.

Jim Fay teaches us that we should "lock in our empathy, love, and understanding" prior to telling kids what the consequences of their actions will be. The Parenting the Love and Logic Way^™ curriculum teaches parents how to hold their kids accountable in this special way. This Love and Logic method causes the child to see their parent as the "good guy" and the child's poor decision as the "bad guy." When done on a regular basis, kids develop an internal voice that says, "I wonder how much pain I'm going to cause for myself with my next decision?" Kids who develop this internal voice become more capable of standing up to peer pressure.

What more could a parent want? Isn't that a great gift to give your child? Parent child relationships are enhanced, family life becomes less strained, and we have time to enjoy our kids instead of either feeling used by them or being transformed from parent to policeman.

The Love and Logic technique in action sounds like this:

Dad: "Oh, no. You left your bike unlocked and it was stolen. What a bummer. I bet you feel awful. Well, I understand how easy it is to make a mistake like that." (Notice that the parent is not leading with anger, intimidation, or threats.)

Dad then adds, "And you'll have another bike as soon as you can earn enough money to pay for it. I paid for the first one. You can pay for the additional ones."

Love and Logic parents know that no child is going to accept this without an argument, but Love and Logic parents can handle arguments. Jim Fay advises "just go brain dead." This means that parents don't try to argue or match wits with the child. They simply repeat, as many times as necessary, "I love you too much to argue." No matter what argument the child uses, the parent responds "I love you too much to argue." Parents who learn how to use these techniques completely change, for the better, their relationships with kids and take control of the home in loving ways.

Love and Logic : The Energy Drain

Hi again class,

Sorry to send so many emails in the last 24 hrs. Here is another video describing the energy drain strategy. Please share with your spouse, with friends, with family....Stephanie, we will miss you tonight, but glad you are taking care of yourself and listening to your body. Please keep us updated regarding baby's arrival, which is scheduled for Friday. Julie, please rest and recover from your procedure. Best thing we can do for our kiddos is practice self-care, which both of you are doing. I encourage you to verbalize to your children that you are staying home to rejuvenate and heal, even though you would like to be out. It's modeling healthy choices and by saying out loud, we are teaching those around us! Michelle, notice how I mentioned your 'hangry' below? Thanks for sharing!! 

See some of you this evening for our last session. 

Andrea 

Begin forwarded message:

From: YouTube <noreply@youtube.com>
Date: February 25, 2014 at 1:11:13 PM EST
To: andreagooldy@gmail.com
Subject: AndreaParentCoach@gmail.com sent you a video: "Dr. Charles Fay explains generic consequences"

AndreaParentCoach@gmail.com has shared a video with you on YouTube Have you ever found it difficult to come up with a logical consequence...even after giving yourself some time to think? Parenting becomes a lot less stressful...and a lot more Fun...when we can fall back on delaying consequences when things get tough. Especially if we and/or our kids are hungry, angry, lonely, tired or sick/stressed (HALTS). Just last week, one of my parenting class participants shared a good description of what it can look like when our kids are hungry = Hangry!!! Low blood sugar can cause anyone's mood, especially our little ones, and even ours, to become cranky or 'hangry.' Please watch this 4 min video to learn about the an effective tool, called the Energy Drain, which is perfect for an appropriate consequence when nothing else comes to mind. Listen to end of video for a funny story. Dr. Charles Fay explains generic consequences by LoveandLogic1 Dr. Charles Fay explains how to use generic consequences and the "Energy Drain" technique when a logical consequence is difficult to find. This clip is taken from the DVD "Painless Parenting for the Preschool Years." We'll be coming to a city near you. Here are some upcoming event locations: Middleton, WI; Livonia, MI; Phoenix, AZ; Overland Park, KS; Sioux Falls, SD; Midwest City, OK; Atlanta, GA; Newport Beach, CA; Portland, OR; Stafford, TX; West Valley City, UT; Arvada, CO; Casper, WY; Nampa, ID. Call us at 800-338-4065 for more information or visit loveandlogic.com. Join our FREE Insider's Club for weekly tips, events, and promotions: http://bit.ly/Ainfy Help center • Email options • Report spam ©2014 YouTube, LLC 901 Cherry Ave, San Bruno, CA 94066

AndreaParentCoach@gmail.com sent you a video: "Energy Drain"

AndreaParentCoach@gmail.com has shared a video with you on YouTube Hi Graduates, just checking in and reminding you about the Energy Drain tool which is especially useful for older children. This is a generic consequence that will fit just about any sort of misbehavior. Hopefully this 3 min video from another facilitator will be helpful. Think it is nice to hear from a different source other than Jim, Charles or myself. Andrea Energy Drain by Kerry Stutzman Kerry Stutzman, MSW, teaches what to do when your kids leave you speechless. She describes the "energy drain," a Love & Logic® idea in her Love & Logic: Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun!™ class in Denver, Colorado. Kerry Stutzman, MSW, teaches Love and Logic® parenting classes, is a marriage and family therapist and a public speaker in Denver, Colorado. Visit http://www.kerrystutzman.com for more information and scheduled parenting classes. Help center • Email options • Report spam ©2014 YouTube, LLC 901 Cherry Ave, San Bruno, CA 94066

L & L Session 3 * "Avoiding Power Struggles" By Gi

Good Rainy Afternoon L & L parents,
I guess rain is better than snow? Anything is better than the craziness of last Tues afternoon / evening. I plan to get to class early, around 630, if anyone wants to meet up then. I know traffic will not be good :( Looking forward to catching up with you all tonight. Please make note of our remaining session dates:
Feb 11th : Session 4 - enforceable statements
Feb 18th : Session 5 - the energy drain

In this evening's session, we will learn how to create and give effective choices. Please bring your workbooks so we can do some of the exercises during class. During class, we can prepare a list of possible choices. I want each one of you to leave the session having at least two choices to immediately give your child or children. It's time to start experimenting to see which choices work and which don't.

** See how many choices you can give during the day **
Would you prefer to write the choices in your workbook, or on a sticky note?? You decide.

» The Science of Control «
The more we share, the more we have. The less control we share, the less we have.

We can either share control on our terms, or force our kids to take it on their terms.

~ Each choice we give our kids is like a little "deposit" into their subconscious "savings account of control." Even when choices seem small and a bit silly, they can be very powerful. This is because choices create situations requiring children to think. ~

Here are some examples of possible choices:
"Do you want to eat a snack in the car, or eat as soon as we get there, before you play?"
"Are you going to put your shirt on first or your pants on first?"
"Do you want to wear your coat or carry it?"
"Do you want the blue cup or the red one?"
"Do you want to leave the playground in two mins or in five minutes?"
"Are you going to brush your teeth in your bathroom or mommy's bathroom?"
"Would you rather play nicely here while I am on the phone (or computer, making dinner, etc) or be noisy in your room?"
"Do you want to walk next to me while we shop or sit in the shopping cart."
"Do you want to get dressed quickly by yourself or do you want me to help you?"
"Would you rather clean your room this morning or this afternoon?"

Love and Logic Guidelines for choices:
¤ Give 99% of choices when things are going smoothly.
¤ Provide choices only on issues that are not dangerous and don't create a problem for anyone else on the planet.
¤ Always offer two options, each choice that makes you happy.
¤ In ten seconds flat, choose for the child if he or she doesn't.

As Jim & Charles Fay write in their book 'Love and Logic' Magic for Early Childhood ~ Practical Parenting from birth to 6 yrs old:
"Wouldn't it be great if your children could learn, early on, that every choice they make affects the quality of their lives? A combination of Love and Logic can create this learning now, while they are still young."

AndreaParentCoach@gmail.com sent you a video: "Giving Choices"

AndreaParentCoach@gmail.com has shared a video with you on YouTube See below for what we will be going over in tomorrow evening's session 3 regarding the process of giving choices. Please watch this 1 min clip on how giving choices is like putting deposits in a bank deposit. Bottom line, don't give choices when upset with kids....give kids choices when you are feeling good. These are all little choices, that don't affect anyone else (ie: do you want to go potty now or in 2 mins? Do you prefer a red cup or blue cup for your water?). We, as parents, make the big decisions, that have an impact on others. Looking forward to seeing you all tomorrow at 7pm Tuesday Feb 4th in Perimeter area off Peachtree Dunwoody Rd. Andrea Giving Choices by LoveandLogic1 In a clip from "Who Says Parenting Can't Be Fun?" Jim Fay explains when and how to give choices. We'll be coming to a city near you. Here are some upcoming event locations: Middleton, WI; Livonia, MI; Phoenix, AZ; Overland Park, KS; Sioux Falls, SD; Midwest City, OK; Atlanta, GA; Newport Beach, CA; Portland, OR; Stafford, TX; West Valley City, UT; Arvada, CO; Casper, WY; Nampa, ID. Call us at 800-338-4065 for more information or visit loveandlogic.com. Join our FREE Insider's Club for weekly tips, events, and promotions: http://bit.ly/Ainfy Help center • Email options • Report spam ©2014 YouTube, LLC 901 Cherry Ave, San Bruno, CA 94066