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Monday, April 9, 2012
ScreamFree Tip: No pain, no gain
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Motivating our Kids to Try ~ Love and Logic Tip
From: Love and Logic Institute, Inc.
To: -AAndrea Gooldy
ReplyTo: Love and Logic Institute
Subject: Motivating our Kids to Try
Sent: Sep 21, 2011 12:42 PM
To receive email from Love and Logic Institute, Inc., add reply@loveandlogicnews.com to your safe sender list. View as Web Page Subscribe Send to a Friend Love and Logic Institute, Inc. Helping Raise Responsible Kids Since 1977™ Why saying, "Just try it, it's easy" isn't a good idea. Weekly Tip from the Love and Logic® Experts Dear Andrea, Has someone ever said to you, "Just try it, it's easy!" and then you found-out the task they coaxed you into trying was painfully difficult? Did this leave you feeling exceptionally capable or downright stupid…and embarrassed? When this happens to the average adult, it doesn't take long for them to conclude two things: This person who's trying to help me is nuts…and definitely not to be trusted! Why should I try if I can't even handle the easy stuff? Quite frequently I overhear well-meaning parents and educators using the "Just try it, it's easy!" approach in an attempt to urge a reluctant child into trying something they're afraid of. When the child finds the task easy, all is right with the world. When they don't, they're confronted with the pain of seeing that they might be so slow that they can't even do something really, really "easy"! How often does this need to happen before our kids lose faith in our word? How often does this have to happen before our children lose faith in their own abilities? Are you willing to take this sort of risk with your kids? In my book, From Bad Grades to a Great Life!, I teach a far safer approach. Experiment with asking your child: A lot of kids find this kind of challenging. Would you try this and let me know what you think? If you hear, "It's too hard. I can't do it," smile, pat them on the back and ask: Aren't you glad that I don't believe that? "Aren't you glad that I don't believe that?" represents an exceptionally powerful way of communicating to your children that they have what it takes to succeed. Delivered in question format its effectiveness becomes supercharged. Remember: Questions create thinking. Statements create resistance. You may also experiment with asking another question: And…aren't you glad that I'm going to love you the same even if you have to work really hard to figure this out? Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Dr. Charles Fay ©2011 Love and Logic Institute, Inc. All copyright infringement laws apply. Permission granted for forwarding and/or for a single photocopy or electronic reproduction of one email tip only. Please do not alter or modify. For more information, call the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. at 800-338-4065. For helpful tips, special promotions, and event announcements, follow Love and Logic® on Twitter and become a fan on Facebook. If we have misspelled your name, or if this isn't you, please click here to correct. Parents and Teachers Don't miss Parenting with Love and Logic® with Dr. Charles Fay and Jedd Hafer in the Detroit area on Saturday, 10/15. Register online or call 800-338-4065 for more information. Featured Selection From Bad Grades to a Great Life! Only $17.95 To shop our online store click on the link above, then "Add to Cart." 2011 Fall Sale Select items on sale plus we will pay your shipping! Visit this page to see sale items and place your order. "Funny Parenting Stories" and "Funny Stories from the Classroom": amusing audios available for your liste
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ScreamFree Tip: "If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself...."
From: Parent Coach Andrea
To: -AAndrea Gooldy
ReplyTo: Parent Coach Andrea
Subject: ScreamFree Tip: "If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself...."
Sent: Sep 1, 2011 11:06 PM
....."Suddenly it MEANS something"....This is a powerful reminder about how our perception is our reality. I like how Hal encourages us to pause in heat of the moment in order to give ourselves a choice to take our child's or anyone's (spouse, family, colleague) behavior personally or not. And if you can "extract yourself from this kind of thinking, you can free yourself up to look for the good in your child rather than squint for the bad." WOW, what a gift that is! Again, this looking for the good approach applies to everyone and everything in your life. I strongly believe we need support from others ongoingly, particularly a safe place to share what's going on in our heads, to help us "extract" this negative, drama creating thinking that really seems to come naturally in our society. Be a rebel, take a deep breath or 10 deep breaths, then choose to focus on the positives around you versus the negatives.......Any comments, or experiences to share? Andrea From: The ScreamFree Institute <c+sf@trusted-sender.convio.net> Sender: The ScreamFree Institute<info@screamfree.com> Date: Fri, 12 Aug 2011 03:00:42 -0500 (CDT) To: <andreaparentcoach@gmail.com> ReplyTo: The ScreamFree Institute <info@screamfree.com> Subject: ScreamFree Tip of the Day: Power Play Share with a Friend
August 12, 2011 | Here's your daily parenting tip from ScreamFree "If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment."
-Marcus Aurelius Antonius (121 AD - 180 AD)
Hal's Take:
Often it's the meanings that we attach to events or conversations that cause us the most pain. Think about it: Someone else's child gets engrossed in conversation and forgets to pick up their plate after dinner. You playfully remind them to do so. What happens when your child does the same thing? Suddenly it MEANS something. They don't respect you. They are lazy. You haven't done a proper job in getting them to take responsibility around the house.
If you can
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Questions Create Thinking from Love and Logic
From: Love and Logic Institute, Inc.
To: -AAndrea Gooldy
ReplyTo: Love and Logic Institute
Subject: Questions Create Thinking
Sent: Dec 7, 2011 1:51 PM
To receive email from Love and Logic Institute, Inc., add reply@loveandlogicnews.com to your safe sender list. View as Web Page Subscribe Send to a Friend Love and Logic Institute, Inc. Helping Raise Responsible Kids Since 1977™ Questions Create Thinking Weekly Tip from the Love and Logic® Experts Dear Andrea, At Love and Logic® we believe that kids are best prepared for the real world when we allow them to do as much thinking as possible. It's good practice for the real world, and it keeps the monkey off of our backs most of the time. Here's the problem. Do you know kids who like to keep adults doing all of the thinking? Do you know kids who are good at tricking us into doing so? How do we avoid falling into this trap? One strategy involves using plenty of questions! The more questions we ask, the better thinkers our kids will become. People who understand Love and Logic also understand that the human brain seeks closure. When we use plenty of questions, children's brains are so busy searching for closure that they have less energy left over for power-struggles. The more questions we ask, the fewer power-struggles we will have. Kids grow the healthiest and strongest brains when they're fortunate to spend time around adults who say things like: "I don't know. What do you think?" "Are you sure that's the best idea?" "How do you think that's going to work out for you?" "Would you like to hear what some other kids have tried?" "Do you think that's going to work out well or ________?" "What do you think you are going to do?" "Which one of these is the best solution to your problem?" "Do you have enough money to pay for any possible damage?" "Is that a wise decision?" In our audio Raising the Odds for Responsible Behavior, we teach a variety of additional tools for giving children the gift of good thinking skills. Perhaps the quickest way to start giving this gift is to get into the habit of asking instead of telling. Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Dr. Charles Fay ©2011 Love and Logic Institute, Inc. All copyright infringement laws apply. Permission granted for forwarding and/or for a single photocopy or electronic reproduction of one email tip only. Please do not alter or modify. For more information, call the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. at 800-338-4065. For helpful tips, special promotions, and event announcements, follow Love and Logic® on Twitter and become a fan on Facebook. If we have misspelled your name, or if this isn't you, please click here to correct. Teachers and Parents Don't miss Dr. Charles Fay in the Madison area on Tuesday, 12/13 or in the Boise area on Tuesday, 1/10. Register online or call 800-338-4065 for more information. Exclusive Member Discount Raising the Odds for Responsible Behavior This week save 25% (audio CD or download) Discount price to Insider Club members only: $10.46 Regular Price $13.95 To shop our online store click on the link above, then "Add to Cart" and enter the coupon code "120711" 2012 Summer Conference Love and Logic Skills: For home, for School, for Life! More Responsible, Higher Achieving Kids Do you like to have fun while learning new skills? If so, don't miss your opportunity this year to join us in Denver for our 27th Annual Summer conference! June 14-16, 2012
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Picky Eaters from Love and Logic
From: Love and Logic Institute, Inc.
To: -AAndrea Gooldy
ReplyTo: Love and Logic Institute
Subject: Picky Eaters
Sent: Apr 20, 2011 12:45 PM
To receive email from Love and Logic Institute, Inc., add reply@loveandlogicnews.com to your safe sender list. View as Web Page Subscribe Send to a Friend Love and Logic Institute, Inc. Helping Raise Responsible Kids Since 1977™ Picky Eaters Dear Andrea, Samantha pushed her vegetables in a slow circle around her plate, hoping some of them would wear away like tires on a car. Her mom scolded her and threatened to keep her at the table all night. To Samantha, that sounded like a better option than downing those gross vegetables. Do you know a picky eater? Does it seem that the harder you try to make them eat, the less likely they are to actually chew anything and swallow it? It's easy for adults to get sucked into an unwinnable power struggle when it comes to food. Try as we might, there is really no (legal) way to MAKE a kid eat. Wise folks understand that the odds of success go way up when we focus on the things that we CAN control. Instead of lecturing, threatening, or waging war, it makes far more sense to calmly control things like the following: What food we serve How much we serve When we serve it How long we allow it to sit on the table How much we involve kids in the process (Can they prepare one meal each week?) What snacks we make available How much we charge for snacks if they are sneaked in between meals Remaining calm and empathetic when our children refuse to eat Allowing their hungry tummies to do the teaching when they go on hunger strikes Instead of lecturing about starving children in remote parts of the world, experiment with saying, "Dinner is served until the timer goes 'ding.'" Then allow your child to decide how much they need to eat. Since everyone is a bit different when it comes to this, the only way they can learn what's right for them is by experimenting with eating too little, or too much, and experiencing the natural and logical consequences. In the entertaining CDs in our Life Saver Kit, you'll learn fun and easy ways to set limits and save yourself a ton of energy. You may even find yourself looking forward to dealing with your picky eater! For those of you in the Seattle area, I will be in Shoreline on Tuesday, 4/26. Register here or call 800-338-4065 for additional information. Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Dr. Charles Fay For helpful tips, special promotions, and event announcements, follow Love and Logic® on Twitter and become a fan on Facebook. If we have misspelled your name, or if this isn't you, please click here to correct. ©2011 Love and Logic Institute, Inc. All copyright infringement laws apply. Permission granted for forwarding and/or for a single photocopy or electronic reproduction of one email tip only. Please do not alter or modify. For more information, call the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. at 800-338-4065. Teachers and Parents Don't miss Dr. Charles Fay in the Seattle area on Tuesday, 4/26. Register online or call 800-338-4065 for more information. Exclusive Member Discount The Life Saver Kit This week save 25% Discount price to Insider Club members only: $47.96 Regular Price $63.95 To shop our online store click on the link above, then "Add to Cart" and enter the coupon code "042011" Training Conference Do you teach, or would you like to teach, teachers how to use Love and Logic skills in their classrooms? If so, you should attend our training for the 9 Essential Skills for the Love and Logic Classroom® curriculum. July 21-23, 2011 Denver, CO Visit this page for details.
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When Kids Get Defiant from Love and Logic
From: Love and Logic Institute, Inc.
To: -AAndrea Gooldy
ReplyTo: Love and Logic Institute
Subject: When Kids Get Defiant
Sent: Nov 9, 2011 12:40 PM
To receive email from Love and Logic Institute, Inc., add reply@loveandlogicnews.com to your safe sender list. View as Web Page Subscribe Send to a Friend Love and Logic Institute, Inc. Helping Raise Responsible Kids Since 1977™ When Kids Get Defiant Weekly Tip from the Love and Logic® Experts Dear Andrea, "I'm not doing that! You can't make me!" Have you ever heard this from a student…or your child at home? Success in this situation rests entirely on resisting the urge to rely on power and coercion to force kids to do what we want. Listed below are some tips: Sidestep the power-struggle by delaying the consequence. It's okay to let children think they've gotten away with something in the short-term…if that'll buy you time to handle it well in the long-term. Calmly say, "No problem. I love you (or respect you) too much to fight with you about this. I'll take care of it." Put together a workable plan. Get some help from other adults if you need their ideas or support. Allow empathy and logical consequences to do the teaching. One mother commented: My teenager refused to do the simple housework chores I asked her to do. Instead of fighting with her, I simply told her that I loved her too much to fight with her and that I would take care of them. I hired a professional housekeeping service to do it for her. Then I taped the bill to her bedroom door. She refused to pay the bill, so I had another chance to say, "I love you too much to fight with you about this. I'll take care of it." Later that week I calmly said to her, "This is so sad. Do you remember that new outfit you wanted? I had to use that money to pay the housekeeping service." This mother understood that sometimes we have to allow kids to be upset in the short-term…so they can learn to lead happy and responsible lives in the long-term. Join us for our new webinar. We'll share plenty of additional skills for helping parents and educators stay out of un-winnable power-struggles. Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possibl
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