Just found a great new blog Janetlansbury Elevating Child Care via the ScreamFree Parenting website.
Here's a part of the article which is written for toddlers; however, can apply to all ages ~ I really like her thoughts on Anchors as well!
"If we can perceive our children's unpleasant actions as temporarily "out of her mind" –a young one's request for help — our role and our response become much clearer. As experienced, mature adults, this means rising above the fray (rather than getting caught in it) and providing assistance.
When we remind ourselves repeatedly that misbehavior is a little lost child's call for help, we begin to see the ridiculousness of taking this behavior personally. We recognize the absurdity of reactions like, "How could you treat me like this after all I do for you?! Why don't you listen?" Perspective gives us the patience, confidence and the calm demeanor we need to be able to help.
Then we communicate and follow through. "You're having a hard time not hitting, so I will help by holding your hands". This is our thought process and might also be the words we say to our child. Or we might say, "I won't let you hit. You're so upset that I had to put my phone away when you wanted to play with it. I know."
"I won't let you bite me. That hurts. I'm going to have to put you down and get something you can bite safely."
Anchors
We help our child and then allow for emotional explosions in response, because children need help with those, too. The assistance they need is an anchor — our patient presence and empathy while they safely ride this wave out. When the wave passes, they need us to acknowledge their feelings, forgive, understand and let go so they can, too. After all, how can we hold a grudge against a person whose impulses are bigger than they are?
One Last thought ~
"Toddlers test limits to find out about themselves and other people. By stopping children in a firm, but respectful way when they push our limits, we're helping them to figure out their world and to feel safe." -Irene Van der Zande, with Santa Cruz Infant Toddler Staff, 1, 2, 3…The Toddler Years.
Click below for entire article
http://shar.es/GkUGV
------Original Message------
From: Family
To: Parent Coach Andrea
Subject: Biting, Hitting, Kicking And Other Challenging Toddler Behavior | Janet Lansbury
Sent: Nov 16, 2012 10:29 AM
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