As Mira mentioned on Sun, you can also get these these weekly Love and Logic parenting tip emails. You should be able to sign up by clicking on the link at the bottom of email or going to www.loveandlogic.com. See below for tips on how we can, in a Loving way, help our kids connect the dots between their actions and the consequences. Our empathy allows them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes, instead of blaming us. "When it's over, it's over" ~ another tip that is so true for any relationship, but so hard to do. "When kids experience consequences we must resist the urge to rub salt in the wounds by lecturing after the fact."
Cheers,
Andrea
------Original Message------
From: Love and Logic Institute, Inc.
To: -AAndrea Gooldy
ReplyTo: Love and Logic Institute, Inc.
Subject: The Logic Won't Happen Without the Love
Sent: Aug 22, 2012 12:45 PM
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add reply@loveandlogicnews.com to your safe sender list View as Web Page Subscribe Send to a Friend Love and Logic Institute, Inc. Helping Raise Responsible Kids Since 1977™ The Logic Won't Happen Without the Love
Weekly Tip from the Love and Logic® Experts
Dear Andrea, How do we help our kids develop the type of cause-effect logic that leads to good decision-making? Is it by showing them how tough we are, or is it by showing them how much we love them as they experience the tough consequences of their poor decisions? Our anger allows kids to blame us for the consequences of their poor decisions. Our loving empathy forces them to blame themselves for these consequences. If we're forgetting our sincere empathy, it will increase the odds that they'll lack the logical, commonsense reasoning required to stay safe in today's complex world. Some reminders… Lock in the empathy first!
Before describing consequences, do your best to establish a sincere love connection with your child. Whenever appropriate, pair your words (e.g. "This is so sad.") with caring eye contact and touch.
This also applies to setting limits. Before saying, "You may have that toy when you can afford it," take a moment to show your love. Delay the consequence when you're too angry to be empathetic.
People who use Love and Logic aren't always sweet and sappy. Sometimes they put some steel in their voices and say, "I'm too angry right now to make a good decision about what you've done. We'll talk about it when I'm calm." When it's over, it's over.
There are few things more damaging to any relationship than taking out the trash…and then throwing it back inside through an open window! When kids experience consequences we must resist the urge to rub salt in the wounds by lecturing after the fact. Use as few words as possible.
The most effective people use very few words when things are going wrong. For more quick tips to help kids learn from their mistakes rather than repeat them, listen to our audio, Four Steps to Responsibility. Thanks for your reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Dr. Charles Fay
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