Saturday, February 4, 2012

Positive Feedback

"L&L has changed my life! Truly the greatest gift I could ever receive. There are no words to express my gratitude. My 4 year old daughter has NEVER been so affectionate, loving, and cooperative."

From a single mom following session 3 of Love and Logic Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun!

Andrea L Gooldy, M.S. Parent Educator 404.932.9393

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The Basics of the Love and Logic Approach

------Original Message------
From: Love and Logic Institute, Inc.
To: -AAndrea Gooldy
ReplyTo: Love and Logic Institute
Subject: The Basics of the Love and Logic Approach
Sent: Feb 1, 2012 12:39 PM

To receive email from Love and Logic Institute, Inc., add reply@loveandlogicnews.com to your safe sender list. View as Web Page Subscribe Send to a Friend Love and Logic Institute, Inc. Helping Raise Responsible Kids Since 1977™ The Basics of the Love and Logic Approach Weekly Tip from the Love and Logic® Experts Dear Andrea, When you tell people you use Love and Logic techniques in your home or classroom, do they really know what "Love and Logic" means? Do some think it is a cult you joined? Do some say that "Love AND Logic" is an oxymoron? Do you sometimes find it difficult to explain? With a flexible menu of skills in our approach, and common sense at work, adults using Love and Logic skills may come across quite differently at times. Nevertheless, the "Love and Logic" approach should always look like the following: A loving attitude toward the young person. A key principle of the Love and Logic approach is that we preserve the dignity - of the child AND the adult. Does yelling and threatening preserve kids' dignity? How about ours? Shared thinking and control. Adults using Love and Logic techniques resist the urge to come up with all the answers and solve all the problems. Instead, they give kids the gift of thinking about and solving problems. They ask lots of questions and give lots of choices so kids stay in on the action. Empathy before consequences and bad news. We are sad for kids and we hurt for them when they struggle. Our sadness (instead of our anger and frustration) helps them own problems and learn from the consequences. None of this works without empathy. Relationships are paramount. If we are not preserving or enhancing relationships, we are not really using Love and Logic techniques. Take heart! This is a process, not an instant transformation. Many people find that listening repeatedly to our audio, Four Steps to Responsibility, helps them remember to consistently apply these very important basics of the Love and Logic approach. Thanks for reading. Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Jedd Hafer ©2012 Love and Logic Institute, Inc. All copyright infringement laws apply. Permission granted for forwarding and/or for a single photocopy or electronic reproduction of one email tip only. Please do not alter or modify. For more information, call the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. at 800-338-4065. For helpful tips, special promotions, and event announcements, follow Love and Logic® on Twitter and become a fan on Facebook. If we have misspelled your name, or if this isn't you, please click here to correct. Teachers and Parents Don't miss Dr. Charles Fay in Redding, CA on Saturday, 2/4 or in Baltimore, MD on Tuesday, 2/7. Register online or call 800-338-4065 for more information. Exclusive Member Discount Four Steps to Responsibility This week save 25% Discount price to Insider Club members only: $10.46 Regular Price $13.95 To shop our online store click on the link above, then "Add to Cart" and enter the coupon code "020212" 2012 Summer Conference Love and Logic: For Home, for School, for Life!
Andrea L Gooldy, M.S. Parent Educator 404.932.9393

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Love and Logic Parenting Tip : Picky Eaters

Greetings Class!
Our next session is this Thursday Feb 2nd at 9:30am. I will be sending a session overview on Tuesday. How is the "Uh-oh" Song working??

Here's a parenting tip on what and how much our kids should be eating. Our job is to provide healthy green-light food options and allow them to choose. As with everything, the more we can model healthy eating, the more likely our lil mimics will eat better. Yes that means we have to eat more fruits and veggies, and make a point to eat this healthy food in front of our kids! Plus we can be more effective if we show some enjoyment from eating the fruit, veggies, beans, whole grains, etc. We try to get Christopher's fruit or veggies in when he is super hungry like when pick him up from school or when waiting on dinner. He loves the pre-cut green or red apples which are super convenient for me because grab & go. Or I give him baby carrots or cherry tomatoes that he likes to dip in ranch dressing, that I often mix with greek yogurt for extra protein. Oh, he also likes celery with peanut butter too. It's definitely a challenge for us because daddy and I aren't big fruit/veggie eaters but we're working on it, one baby carrot at a time!!! Ultimately, our kids, just like us, have to learn "what's right for them by experimenting with eating too little, or too much, and experiencing the natural and logical consequences." Please share any healthy eating tricks that you use! Andrea=)

PS: I highly recommend the children's book "Eat Healthy, Feel Great" by William Sears, MD, et al. This book uses Traffic light eating to describe foods and how eating certain foods affects us. Green-light foods help us grow and give us energy, yellow-light slow us down and red-light foods make us stop! I get motivated to eat healthier when I read it to Christopher. Unfortunately, this book is currently out of print but I have heard that they are updating it. I'll let you know as soon as I see an updated version.

------Original Message------
From: Love and Logic Institute, Inc.
To: -AAndrea Gooldy
ReplyTo: Love and Logic Institute
Subject: Picky Eaters
Sent: Apr 20, 2011 12:45 PM

To receive email from Love and Logic Institute, Inc., add reply@loveandlogicnews.com to your safe sender list. View as Web Page Subscribe Send to a Friend Love and Logic Institute, Inc. Helping Raise Responsible Kids Since 1977™ Picky Eaters Dear Andrea, Samantha pushed her vegetables in a slow circle around her plate, hoping some of them would wear away like tires on a car. Her mom scolded her and threatened to keep her at the table all night. To Samantha, that sounded like a better option than downing those gross vegetables. Do you know a picky eater? Does it seem that the harder you try to make them eat, the less likely they are to actually chew anything and swallow it? It's easy for adults to get sucked into an unwinnable power struggle when it comes to food. Try as we might, there is really no (legal) way to MAKE a kid eat. Wise folks understand that the odds of success go way up when we focus on the things that we CAN control. Instead of lecturing, threatening, or waging war, it makes far more sense to calmly control things like the following: What food we serve How much we serve When we serve it How long we allow it to sit on the table How much we involve kids in the process (Can they prepare one meal each week?) What snacks we make available How much we charge for snacks if they are sneaked in between meals Remaining calm and empathetic when our children refuse to eat Allowing their hungry tummies to do the teaching when they go on hunger strikes Instead of lecturing about starving children in remote parts of the world, experiment with saying, "Dinner is served until the timer goes 'ding.'" Then allow your child to decide how much they need to eat. Since everyone is a bit different when it comes to this, the only way they can learn what's right for them is by experimenting with eating too little, or too much, and experiencing the natural and logical consequences. In the entertaining CDs in our Life Saver Kit, you'll learn fun and easy ways to set limits and save yourself a ton of energy. You may even find yourself looking forward to dealing with your picky eater! For those of you in the Seattle area, I will be in Shoreline on Tuesday, 4/26. Register here or call 800-338-4065 for additional information. Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend. Dr. Charles Fay For helpful tips, special promotions, and event announcements, follow Love and Logic® on Twitter and become a fan on Facebook. If we have misspelled your name, or if this isn't you, please click here to correct. ©2011 Love and Logic Institute, Inc. All copyright infringement laws apply. Permission granted for forwarding and/or for a single photocopy or electronic reproduction of one email tip only. Please do not alter or modify. For more information, call the Love and Logic Institute, Inc. at 800-338-4065. Teachers and Parents Don't miss Dr. Charles Fay in the Seattle area on Tuesday, 4/26. Register online or call 800-338-4065 for more information. Exclusive Member Discount The Life Saver Kit This week save 25% Discount price to Insider Club members only: $47.96 Regular Price $63.95 To shop our online store click on the link above, then "Add to Cart" and enter the coupon code "042011" Training Conference Do you teach, or would you like to teach, teachers how to use Love and Logic skills in their classrooms? If so, you should attend our training for the 9 Essential Skills for the Love and Logic Classroom® curriculum. July 21-23, 2011 Denver, CO Visit this page for details.
Andrea L Gooldy, M.S. Parent Educator, Parent Coach & Workshop Facilitator Independent Love and Logic Facilitator 'Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun!' Certified Screamfree Parenting Leader AndreaParentCoach@gmail.com 404-932-9393 Check out the latest on my Blog! www.andreaparentcoach.com

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Love and Logic ~ The "Uh-oh" Song

Greetings to my Happy New Year's L & L class ~
As I mentioned in class last Thursday morning, here is a detailed description of the "Uh-oh" Song, how to employ it and reasons behind. After reading, please email me with additional questions or challenges implementing with your kiddies.

As a side note, for any of you like Corrie, Jen, Lauren, Celeste with younger ones that are still in the highchair, if child bites you, grabs your hair, you can use "Looks like you need a little crib time." And if he throws his food or keeps purposely dropping his sippy cup or bottle, you can say "Uh-oh", food "All Gone" or maybe just "All Gone" and take food or drink away then baby down from highchair.
So food up and baby down in a calm, nice way! Remember, remove the offending object. Start with food, sippy cup, toy, ball, etc first vs removing the child unless you really need a break. Always good to mention to the child, especially if he or she is having a fit, that he / she can try again later or tomorrow. "You can sit in the highchair for your next meal or snack."

The "Uh-oh" Song is a Powerful technique for setting limits with young children. When children misbehave, parents need something they can do to respond, and the more consistent they are in there response, the faster it ingrains itself in the child. The "Uh-oh" was created to give parents one catchall response to all attacks on their peace and allows them to respond without anger or threats. It's tone should be devoid of any sarcasm or impatience and almost sung when said to keep any negative emotions out of it. It doesn't take long for even a toddler to get the message that when the "Uh-oh" Song is sung, WHATEVER behavior has just happened was not one Mommy or Daddy approved of and that loving intervention is on it's way.

Steps for the "Uh Oh song"
{from pages 74-75 in 'Love and Logic' Magic for Early Childhood ~ Practical Parenting from birth to 6 years old}

1. Instead of making threats or giving warnings, sing, "Uh-oh" and take action ~ Maybe you'll carry your child into the bedroom and say, "Looks like you need a little bedroom time or private time to pull yourself together." Or "Looks like you need a little crib time or playpen time." Or maybe you'll take away an offending object and say calmly, "All gone!" Whatever action you'll take begins with "Uh-oh!" Why? Because singing this simple song really communicates, "You're such a great kid, and I am such a great parent that I can handle you without yelling, without frowning, and without stressing myself out." Parents also report that singing, "Uh-oh" also helps them stay calm.
* Please note: this technique is not for infants and very young children who are crying or acting out because they have a need that must be fulfilled (hungry, diaper needs to be changed, tired so needs nap, doesn't feel well, etc)
When a child has a basic need, meet it instead of punishing or ignoring your child! The "Uh-oh" song is designed to limit children's wants, not deprive them of what they need.*

2. Gently lead or carry your child to his or her room ~ Make the room safe ahead of time. Wise parents remove anything that they don't want broken.

3. Give your child a choice about the door ~ "Do you need the door shut, or open?" If a child comes out before she's ready, then shut the door and make sure that it stays shut. Turn the lock around. Put a towel on top of the door; wedge it tightly so she isn't strong enough to pull it open. Put a latch on the outside. Whatever is safe and easily done. Remember to stay just outside the door (but no talking through the door:).

4. Say, "Feel free to come out when you're acting sweet " ~ Don't let your child out until she is calm. Some kids need temporarily extended time limits. In fact, some children, the first few times using this technique, will need to be in the room for more than hour. It's okay to check on child from time to time, but a kid really needs to stay in there until she's ready to behave. Parents using this technique report that the time required begins to shorten very quickly if they remain consistent.
* Most kids are smart enough to figure out the misbehavior doesn't pay. There may be an extended initial period of adjustment, but that behavior usually starts to fade out rather rapidly - as long as parents don't interact with a child while he or she is in the room. The best way to make this technique backfire is to use too many words.*

5. Do not lecture or remind when your child is ready to come out.
~ This is the time to give a Big Hug and move on with your day. If your child acts up again in a few minutes, just sing "Uh-oh" and repeat the technique. Some kids require more than one or two trips when they're first learning about "Uh-oh". Don't sweat it. That's normal.

6. HAVE FUN with your kids when they're behaving ~ In order for this technique to work, do you think it might be smart to have a lot of fun with your kids when they're behaving? Some kids love to go to their room because it gets them away from a nasty parent.

¤ Be Silly with your kids. Have Fun! Partake in the Joy. Then, when they misbehave, all the fun shuts down. You're not angry and you don't yell, but you are very boring when their behavior turns sour. Teach them that a life of misbehavior is pretty dull. ¤

Thank you for reading!
Andrea=)

Andrea L Gooldy, M.S. Parent Educator, Parent Coach & Workshop Facilitator Independent Love and Logic Facilitator 'Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun!' Certified Screamfree Parenting Leader AndreaParentCoach@gmail.com 404-932-9393 Check out the latest on my Blog! www.andreaparentcoach.com

Monday, January 16, 2012

Positive Discipline : Connection Before Correction

From: Positive Discipline <noreply@blogger.com>

Sender: noreply+feedproxy@google.com

Date: Mon, 16 Jan 2012 21:42:04 +0000

To: <Andreaparentcoach@gmail.com>

Subject: Positive Discipline with Dr. Jane Nelsen

Positive Discipline with Dr. Jane Nelsen

Connection Before Correction

Posted: 15 Jan 2012 05:44 PM PST

Extensive research shows that we cannot influence children in a positive way until we create a connection with them. It is a brain (and heart) thing. Sometimes we have to stop dealing with the misbehavior and first heal the relationship.

Connection creates a sense of safety and openness. Punishment, lecturing, nagging, scolding, blaming or shaming create fight, flight, or freeze.

One of my favorite examples of "connection before correction" is, "I love you; and the answer is no." This example also illustrates the Positive Discipline concept of Kind and Firm at the same time.

Before sharing more ways to create a connection with children, I want to point out that it is a mistake to think that giving children whatever they want is effective. Rescuing, fixing, and over-protecting are not good ways to create a connection. Effective connections are made when both child and adult feel belonging and significance. Most of the Positive Discipline parenting tools provide skills for creating a connection.

They will all be discussed in more detail as we choose a card each week. Following is a preview:

Spend special time with children. What could create a greater connection for your child than to know your enjoy spending time with him or her.
Listen. Really listen. Stop doing whatever you are doing and give your child your full attention
Validate your child's feelings. Don't we all feel connected when we feel understood?
Share your feelings and thoughts when appropriate. Remember that children will listen to you AFTER they feel listened to. Children feel a connection when you respectfully share something about yourself. Respectfully, means no stories about walking miles in the snow.
Focus on solutions WITH children after a cooling off period. There is that word "with" again–because it is a golden bridge to connection.
Ask curiosity questions to help children explore the consequences of their choices instead of imposing consequences on them. Sincere questions open the heart and the rational brain—equaling connection.
Hugs. There are times when all of us need nothing more than a hug.

Once the connection is made, children are then open to respectful correction.

It is important to understand that "Correction" in the Positive Discipline way is very different from conventional correction. The biggest difference is that conventional correction usually involves punishment (punitive time-out, grounding, and taking away privileges being the most common). In other words, conventional correction consists of adults doing something TO children. Positive Discipline correction respectfully involves children whenever possible, finding solutions WITH them.

Two great methods for finding solutions are family or class meetings and joint problem solving. These are powerful tools that respectfully involve children to learn and use their personal power in contributing ways. Connection is created as part of the process.

When children feel a connection, they feel belonging and significance. Often that is enough for misbehavior to stop. As you learn about the many Positive Discipline tools, notice that they are all designed to create a connection before respectful correction.

To learn more about Connection Before Correction, listen the following excerpt from my Building Self-Esteem Through Positive Discipline lecture.

Connection Before Correction

This posting includes an audio/video/photo media file: Download Now

Monday, January 2, 2012

Be Happy Now!

Hello Sista ScreamFree'ers,
Chris told me right before Christmas that she needed a "ScreamFree through the holidays" pick me up email. Well, too late for that, so how about starting the new year with more happy moods and a skip in your step?! This is not a parenting article but, in line with ScreamFree Parenting, the focus is on us (not our children) and ways we can boost our moods in order to get more Joy out of our lives. If we're more joyous, certainly our kids will feel it. Happiness is contagious!!

Basically, our ScreamFree parenting course, last winter, provided an opportunity to be a Cheerleader to others in the group, possibly you found a happiness partner or partners, we implemented the moving strategy (when we went on our talking walks at river - let's resume those!) and we also addressed some of our hot-button issues.

Which tip resonates with you the most??
The tongue swishing around looking for a cavity / aka our mind looking for negative things or something wrong to fixate on is my favorite. Gosh, so easy for me skip over all the great things going on and to focus on one thing that isn't quite right! Per this article, it's human nature. After I send this email, I am going to follow strategy #1 by spending 10 mins before bedtime writing down three positive outcomes from the day, along with reasons the endeavors were successful. Any one want to try this exercise with me for the next week? Guess it's similar to a gratitude journal.

Unfortunately the title of each mood-boosting strategy in the attached scanned copy is hard to see so I wrote the titles just below so you write them on your sheet!

1 - Appreciate the small things ~
Goal is to focus on what's going right and savor it.
2 - Find a happiness partner ~ your partner or support network can provide advice and reinforce good behavior.
3 - Know your hot-button issues ~ identify your few deeply held beliefs that lead to overreaction in response to daily incidents.
4 - Drop everything and move ~ take a break to walk or meditate especially around mid afternoon when most of us are at bottom of our energy cycle
5 - Be a cheerleader ~ Share in other's happiness!

"They say it Takes a Village to Raise a Child, but no one ever tells you where it is or how to get there."

From: Tina Huber <tinah@cdicredit.com>

Date: Tue, 27 Dec 2011 10:41:29 -0500

To: andreaparentcoach@gmail.com<andreaparentcoach@gmail.com>

Subject: Be Happy Now

Monday, December 5, 2011

Winter Early Childhood Love and Logic Course at FMSA in Sandy Springs

FMSA Love and Logic morning class winter dates
Time : 9:30-11:30am
Dates: Thursdays Jan 12th & 19th, Feb 2nd, 16th, & 23rd.
Location: First Montessori School of Atlanta Library Conf Room
5750 Long Island Drive, NW Atlanta, GA 30327
Cost : $90 including workbook

Session 1: Thurs Jan 12th "Handling Misbehavior Without Breaking A Sweat."
The Power of Empathy

Session 2: Thurs Jan 19th "Teaching Kids to Listen....The FIRST Time."
The Uh-Oh Song

Session 3: Thurs Feb 2nd "Avoiding Power Struggles."
Effective Choices

Session 4: Thurs Feb 16th "Limits Create Happier Parents, Happier Kids, And Happier Families."
Enforceable Statements

Session 5: Thurs Feb 23rd
"What To Do When Your Kids Leave You Speechless."
The Energy Drain