See below for this Thursday's session overview. *** Please Note that class is this THURSDAY instead of Wednesday. *** It's the only session during this series which is on a Thursday. The two remaining are on Weds mornings ~ Weds April 6th, skip a week then the last session is Weds April 20th. Please bring your workbooks so we can do some exercises during class. At the bottom of this email, I've included some positive feedback I received from a mom who took my L & L course last spring and quickly employed several of the parenting strategies particularly sharing control through choices and the "Uh Oh song".
This week our session will teach:
* Time-tested tips for ending bedtime battles
* How to get control by sharing it
* What to do with little ones who want to sleep with you
* Why relationship and nurturing is the foundation of responsibility
» The Science of Control «
The more we share, the more we have. The less control we share, the less we have.
We can either share control on our terms or force our kids to take it on their terms.
~ Each choice we give our kids is like a little "deposit" into their subconscious "savings account of control." Even when choices seem small and a bit silly, they can be very powerful. This is because choices create situations requiring children to THINK.
Here are some examples of possible choices:
"Do you want to go potty now or when the timer goes off?" "Ok, do you me to set the timer for 2 mins or 4 mins?"
"Do you want to wear your coat or carry it?"
"Do you want to leave the playground now or in five minutes?"
"Are you going to brush your teeth in your bathroom or mommy's bathroom?"
"Would you rather play nicely next to me while I am on the phone or be noisy in your room?"
"Would you rather clean your room this morning or this afternoon?"
"Do you want to stay in your own chair while you eat or sit on mommy's lap?" (This has worked well when we are out to eat)
EXERCISE: Think about some current power struggles you're experiencing with your child....ie: won't go nite nite / stay in bed, refusing to eat, won't get dressed, won't get in car / car seat, continually whining, etc.
Then during class we can prepare a list of possible choices you can give your child(ren)....and you can go home to immediately start experimenting!!
* See how many choices you can give during the day *
As Jim & Charles Fay write in their book 'Love and Logic' Magic for Early Childhood ~ Practical Parenting from birth to 6 yrs old:
"Wouldn't it be great if your children could learn, early on, that every choice they make affects the quality of their lives?
A combination of Love and Logic can create this learning now, while they are still very young."
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Andrea,
I have to say that I am amazed at the success that I have had this week. It was difficult for me to phrase things when upset in an empathetic way (even though I was trying real hard!). The Uh Oh song just didn't feel much different than the time-outs that I had been doing with Nick, my 4 1/2 year old. However, giving him choices on EVERYTHING has completely changed the dynamic in our house!! He doesn't seem to be acting out just to 'buck the system' anymore. Instead of telling him "no" or that he needs to do such and such now or else, blah, blah, blah; we give him two acceptable choices and completely let him decide. We literally only had to put him in his room once in the past week (huge improvement for us) and it was for whining, not acting out. But, even more exciting then that, my husband was going to REI on Saturday and asked Nick if he would like to go with. Nick said no, that he would rather stay home with Mom. That was literally the first time that has EVER happened. It made the baby book!!
With that said, the Uh Oh song is working well for Sean, my 22 month old, who is starting to explore his boundaries. I have found that it is also helping him learn to self soothe. Because he is so much calmer and easier than Nick, I have always gone to him when he cries because it doesn't happen often. Now that we are taking things like MATCHES that he found away from him, he is having difficulty calming himself down. The singing plus time alone in his crib is really helping. I feel like I am getting ahead of any issues with him. So, it has been a really good parenting week!! I am hoping that the effects won't 'wear off' and I will have more positive stories next week at class. Thanks for all tips!!
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