1. Instead of making threats or giving warnings, sing, "Uh-oh" and take action. ~ Maybe you'll carry your child into the bedroom and say, "Looks like you need a little bedroom time." Or maybe you'll take away an offending object and say calmly, "All gone!" Whatever action you'll take begins with "Uh-oh!" Why? Because singing this simple song really communicates, "You're such a great kid, and I am such a great parent that I can handle you without yelling, without frowning, and without stressing myself out." Parents also report that singing, "Uh-oh" also helps them stay calm.
* Please note: this technique is not for infants and very young children who are crying or acting out because they have a need that must be fulfilled (hungry, diaper needs to be changed, tired so needs nap, doesn't feel well, etc)
When a child has a basic need, meet it instead of punishing or ignoring your child! The "Uh-oh" song is designed to limit children's wants, not deprive them of what they need.*
2. Gently lead or carry your child to his or her room. ~ Make the room safe ahead if time. Wise parents remove anything that they don't want broken.
3. Give your child a choice about the door. ~ "Do you need the door shut, or open?" If a child comes out before she's ready, then shut the door and make sure that it stays shut. Turn the lock around. Put a towel on top of the door; wedge it tightly so she isn't strong enough to pull it open. Put a latch on the outside. Whatever is safe and easily done. Remember to stay just outside the door (but no talking through the door:).
4. Say, "Feel free to come out when you're acting sweet." ~ Don't let your child out until she is calm. Some kids need temporarily extended time limits. In fact, some children, the first few times using this technique, will need to be in the room for more than hour. It's okay to check on child from time to time, but a kid really needs to stay in there until she's ready to behave. Parents using this technique report that the time required begins to shorten very quickly if they remain consistent.
* Most kids are smart enough to figure out the misbehavior doesn't pay. There may be an extended initial period of adjustment, but that behavior usually starts to fade out rather rapidly - as long as parents don't interact with a child while he or she is in the room. The best way to make this technique backfire is to use too many words.*
5. Do not lecture or remind when your child is ready to come out.
~ This is the time to give a Big Hug and move on with your day. If your child acts up again in a few minutes, just sing "Uh-oh" and repeat the technique. Some kids require more than one or two trips when they're first learning about "Uh-oh". Don't sweat it. That's normal.
6. HAVE FUN with your kids when they're behaving. ~ In order for this technique, do you think it might be smart to have a lot of fun with your kids when they're behaving? Some kids love to go to their room because it gets them away from a nasty parent.
¤ Be Silly with your kids. Have Fun! Partake in the Joy. Then, when they misbehave, all the fun shuts down. You're not angry and you don't yell, but you are very boring when their behavior turns sour. Teach them that a life of misbehavior is pretty dull. ¤
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