Screamfree Parenting Tip : Finders Keepers

Awww, this quote makes me laugh and certainly resonates with me.
"Recently a young mother asked for advice. What, she wanted to know, was she to do with a 7-year-old who was obstreperous, outspoken, and inconveniently willful? "Keep her," I replied." -Anna Quindlen

Just as Love and Logic repeatedly says: any child 'worth keeping', is going test, push limits, and challenge us. And to look at our kids as scientists whose job it is to do experiments! I am smiling now thinking of an experiment that a girlfriend's 3 1/2 year creative, strong willed son performed just last wk on their kitchen floor w/barbeque sauce and guacomole!! Yes he learned if you make a big mess, you have to clean it up. And sometimes you have to use your own money to replace item used/wasted. And may even have to go to the store with mom instead of playground/acquarium/swimming, to buy the item that the family is now out of! Please read on for the Screamfree Parenting Tip below. Please let me know if want assistance creating some logical appropriate consequences intended to teach / guide your child/children! And delivered with empathy first before the consequence.


May 19, 2010 | Here's your daily parenting tip from ScreamFree
"Recently a young mother asked for advice. What, she wanted to know, was she to do with a 7-year-old who was obstreperous, outspoken, and inconveniently willful? "Keep her," I replied."
-Anna Quindlen

Parenting Tip: We want our children to be considerate of others and mindful of their manners. But, we must not forget that this is only ONE of the things we want for our children. We also want them to be independent and brave. We want them to be able to stand up for themselves and for others.

If you have a strong willed child, be grateful. Rejoice in that. Don’t take it personally when they test out their will on you. Don’t take it upon yourself to “break them” like a horse. Your job is to guide them and teach them the best ways to use that strong will for things that are just and good. Let them know when they’ve crossed the line, but do so with consequences and without malice. Champion their courage while guiding their paths – we’ll all be better off with a generation like this than one who is mindlessly obedient.
-Jenny Runkel
Director of Content for The ScreamFree Institute


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Screamfree Parenting Tip of the Day: Letting our kids struggle is a struggle for us

Ok, parents, this is a powerful one that gets straight to the point about us needing to have a life outside of our kids. Of course for those of you w/kiddies still in diapers, tough to have much of a life yet; however, taking a weekly walk/run, reading a book / magazine @ Starbucks once a wk, date nite, Girls' Nite, going to gym or exercise class, joining a book club, etc.....Ask for help! Ask your spouse, family, friends, neighbor, babysitter to watch kids and you get YOUR time!! Even a little bit helps....and allows our kids to struggle a bit just like we did and they'll be better for it. But, Ouch, does it Not feel good to see them struggle, so much easier to rescue them and Handicap them in the process.....think back to how you learned your best life lessons?? As well as gained self-confidence! Just as montessori teaches, we learn by doing it, through experience and somehow figuring it out.....
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Subject: Tip of the Day: Being Bored is Boring

February 25, 2010 | Here's your daily "pick me up" from ScreamFree
Tip of the Day: "Strange new problems are being reported in the growing generations of children whose mothers were always there, driving them around, helping them with their homework – an inability to endure pain or discipline or pursue any self-sustained goal of any sort, a devastating boredom with life."
Betty Friedan, U.S. writer (1921 – 2006)

Hal's Take: We’ve talked before about how doing too much for our children actually reduces their chances of becoming self-directed adults. What if her words can also apply to the mothers of these children? What if they are the ones becoming bored with life because they have spent all of their energy on their children? Sometimes, it is easier to focus on your children because then you don’t have to take a close look at yourself. While your children certainly need your guidance, they don’t need you to need them. Placing your sense of significance on the shoulders of your children is not a loving thing to do at all.
Kids need to struggle; you need to let them. That’s hard to do on many levels. Watching your child struggle is very painful, but it is ultimately very good for both of you. After all, when you let them struggle, you’ll have to find something to do with your own life.
-Hal Runkel, LMFT and author of ScreamFree Parenting



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