Ok, parents, this is a powerful one that gets straight to the point about us needing to have a life outside of our kids. Of course for those of you w/kiddies still in diapers, tough to have much of a life yet; however, taking a weekly walk/run, reading a book / magazine @ Starbucks once a wk, date nite, Girls' Nite, going to gym or exercise class, joining a book club, etc.....Ask for help! Ask your spouse, family, friends, neighbor, babysitter to watch kids and you get YOUR time!! Even a little bit helps....and allows our kids to struggle a bit just like we did and they'll be better for it. But, Ouch, does it Not feel good to see them struggle, so much easier to rescue them and Handicap them in the process.....think back to how you learned your best life lessons?? As well as gained self-confidence! Just as montessori teaches, we learn by doing it, through experience and somehow figuring it out.....
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Subject: Tip of the Day: Being Bored is Boring
February 25, 2010 | Here's your daily "pick me up" from ScreamFree
Tip of the Day: "Strange new problems are being reported in the growing generations of children whose mothers were always there, driving them around, helping them with their homework – an inability to endure pain or discipline or pursue any self-sustained goal of any sort, a devastating boredom with life."
Betty Friedan, U.S. writer (1921 – 2006)
Hal's Take: We’ve talked before about how doing too much for our children actually reduces their chances of becoming self-directed adults. What if her words can also apply to the mothers of these children? What if they are the ones becoming bored with life because they have spent all of their energy on their children? Sometimes, it is easier to focus on your children because then you don’t have to take a close look at yourself. While your children certainly need your guidance, they don’t need you to need them. Placing your sense of significance on the shoulders of your children is not a loving thing to do at all.
Kids need to struggle; you need to let them. That’s hard to do on many levels. Watching your child struggle is very painful, but it is ultimately very good for both of you. After all, when you let them struggle, you’ll have to find something to do with your own life.
-Hal Runkel, LMFT and author of ScreamFree Parenting
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