Love and Logic: The Energy Drain

Here's a generic consequence when you're unsure what to do about the lying, hitting, sassy'ing back, spitting, yelling, throwing, biting, delaying going nite nite or getting ready in the am, quarreling with sibling or friend, etc. I've had some success using it with Christopher when he's being disrespectful. He's replaced my energy by vacuuming with the hand vac & cleaning baseboards with the costco baby wipes!! Remember to lower your expectations of how well they clean up for you, fold your clothes....The main point is that they are helping & learning how to do chores even if not up to your standards, especially you perfectionists out there like me!! Let me know how the Energy Drain works for you. AS with all new parenting strategies, we need to practice it again and again! Good Luck! FYI, we go over the Energy Drain in Session #5 of the Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun! Class. Thanks for Reading! For more Love and Logic, go to www.loveandlogic.com and click on free resources. They have tons of articles for all ages and all kinds of misbehavior. Also have some articles translated into Spanish. Thx! Andrea


LOVE AND LOGIC® SOLUTIONS

What to Do When an Appropriate Consequence is Hard to Find

by Dr. Charles Fay

The “Energy Drain” approach was created to give adults a practical way of creating logical consequences

that teach responsibility. Simply stated, the child (or teen) is required to replace energy “drained”

from the adult by their misbehavior.



Step 1:

Deliver a strong dose of sincere empathy.

This is so sad.

Step 2:

Notify the youngster that their misbehavior drained your energy.

Oh sweetie. When you lie to me (or almost any other misbehavior) , it drains energy right out of me.

Step 3:

Ask how he or she plans to replace the energy.

How are you planning to put that energy back?

Step 4:

If you hear, “I don’t know,” offer some payback options.

Some kids decide to do some of their mom’s chores? How would that work?

Some kids decide to hire and pay for a babysitter—so their parents can go out and relax. How would that work?

Step 5:

If the child completes the chores, thank them and don’t lecture

Thanks so much! I really appreciate it.

Step 6:

If the child refuses or forgets, don’t warn or remind.

Remember: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!

Step 7:

As a last resort, go on strike OR sell a toy to pay for the drain.

What a bummer. I just don’t think I have the energy to take you to Silly Willie’s Fun Park this weekend.

OR…

What a bummer. You forgot to do those chores. No problem. I sold your Mutant Death Squad action figure to

pay for a babysitter tonight.