Good Rainy Afternoon L & L parents,
I guess rain is better than snow? Anything is better than the craziness of last Tues afternoon / evening. I plan to get to class early, around 630, if anyone wants to meet up then. I know traffic will not be good :( Looking forward to catching up with you all tonight. Please make note of our remaining session dates:
Feb 11th : Session 4 - enforceable statements
Feb 18th : Session 5 - the energy drain
In this evening's session, we will learn how to create and give effective choices. Please bring your workbooks so we can do some of the exercises during class. During class, we can prepare a list of possible choices. I want each one of you to leave the session having at least two choices to immediately give your child or children. It's time to start experimenting to see which choices work and which don't.
** See how many choices you can give during the day **
Would you prefer to write the choices in your workbook, or on a sticky note?? You decide.
» The Science of Control «
The more we share, the more we have. The less control we share, the less we have.
We can either share control on our terms, or force our kids to take it on their terms.
~ Each choice we give our kids is like a little "deposit" into their subconscious "savings account of control." Even when choices seem small and a bit silly, they can be very powerful. This is because choices create situations requiring children to think. ~
Here are some examples of possible choices:
"Do you want to eat a snack in the car, or eat as soon as we get there, before you play?"
"Are you going to put your shirt on first or your pants on first?"
"Do you want to wear your coat or carry it?"
"Do you want the blue cup or the red one?"
"Do you want to leave the playground in two mins or in five minutes?"
"Are you going to brush your teeth in your bathroom or mommy's bathroom?"
"Would you rather play nicely here while I am on the phone (or computer, making dinner, etc) or be noisy in your room?"
"Do you want to walk next to me while we shop or sit in the shopping cart."
"Do you want to get dressed quickly by yourself or do you want me to help you?"
"Would you rather clean your room this morning or this afternoon?"
Love and Logic Guidelines for choices:
¤ Give 99% of choices when things are going smoothly.
¤ Provide choices only on issues that are not dangerous and don't create a problem for anyone else on the planet.
¤ Always offer two options, each choice that makes you happy.
¤ In ten seconds flat, choose for the child if he or she doesn't.
As Jim & Charles Fay write in their book 'Love and Logic' Magic for Early Childhood ~ Practical Parenting from birth to 6 yrs old:
"Wouldn't it be great if your children could learn, early on, that every choice they make affects the quality of their lives? A combination of Love and Logic can create this learning now, while they are still young."
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Monday, February 3, 2014
AndreaParentCoach@gmail.com sent you a video: "Giving Choices"
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Monday, January 13, 2014
L & L Session 1 * This Tuesday 7pm on The Power of Empathy
Greetings to my New Year's Love and Logic class!
Looking forward to meeting you all this Tuesday evening, learning, and laughing together, and supporting one another. The sessions will start at 7pm, and be held in an office suite :
B210, 6160 Peachtree Dunwoody Rd Atlanta, GA 30328. Right down the street from Costco and Home Depot, towards Hammond Rd.
Once turn into office complex, go straight about 1/8 of a mile and B210 will be on the left, last door on the street. Just call me if have a problem 404-932-9393.
Please note that it Is completely fine if you arrive late or need to leave early. The important thing is you make it to the session if you can, even if only for half of it:)
Why learn how to be empathetic??
Because expressing empathy changes brain chemistry. It SOAKS up emotion allowing the recipient (our child, spouse, friend) to get through the
feeling instead of becoming defensive, seeking revenge or trying to escape. Empathy OPENS the heart and mind to Learning. Anger, lectures, warnings, and sarcasm CREATE fight, flight, or freeze. None of us learn too well from the consequences of our actions when we are "drunk on emotion." Empathy PREVENTS
our fight, flight, or freeze responses. And maintains and allows for relationship growth!
The title of session 1 is "Handling Misbehavior Without Breaking a Sweat." We will learn how to "Go brain dead." Then softly repeat a single Love and Logic one-liner, that you will choose during class that fits your personality.
Please think about which empathetic statement will best fit your personality, culture, etc. Here are some examples:
* "This is so sad"
* "Oh man. That's too bad."
* "What a bummer."
* "Oh dear."
* "That's never good."
* "This stinks."
* "Hmm....."
* "I see......"
* "Gosh, that's tough/frustrating/hard."
* "I don't know. What do you think?" (Better for older kids)
Some MORE benefits of delivering empathy BEFORE delivering consequences:
* Empathy makes the child's poor decision the "bad guy" while keeping the adult the "good guy."
* As a result, the child has a harder time blaming the adult for the problem.
* This forces him or her to look inside and to learn from the consequence. Your goal is to get your child in the "thinking mode" before doing anything else.
Next, please give some thought to a problem you would like to work on such as reducing whining, meltdowns, arguing, having to give repeated warnings, how to handle misbehavior in public, etc. We can touch upon at the beginning of the class, then discuss further following the videos, and workbook exercises.
The most successful parents:
* Take good care of themselves
* Set and enforce limits
* Hold their kids accountable for their misbehavior
* Do all of these things in a very a Loving way
* Know that kids are ready to start learning responsibility as soon as they are old enough to spit beets across the table
Most importantly, from this course, you will learn techniques that will:
* Allow you to discipline your kids without losing their Love & Respect
* Help you raise respectful & responsible kids
* Up the odds that the teenage years will be happy rather than horrific
* Make parenting Fun & Rewarding!
I know this is a lot of information to digest. We will have plenty of time to process and practice the new parenting strategies. Thank you for making this investment in yourself, your kids, and your family!
Andrea
"They say it Takes a Village to Raise a Child, but no one ever tells you where it is or how to get there."
Andrea L Gooldy, M.S.
Parent Educator, Coach and Workshop Facilitator
Independent Love and Logic Facilitator 'Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun!'
Certified Screamfree Parenting Leader
AndreaParentCoach@gmail.com
www.andreaparentcoach.com
Looking forward to meeting you all this Tuesday evening, learning, and laughing together, and supporting one another. The sessions will start at 7pm, and be held in an office suite :
B210, 6160 Peachtree Dunwoody Rd Atlanta, GA 30328. Right down the street from Costco and Home Depot, towards Hammond Rd.
Once turn into office complex, go straight about 1/8 of a mile and B210 will be on the left, last door on the street. Just call me if have a problem 404-932-9393.
Please note that it Is completely fine if you arrive late or need to leave early. The important thing is you make it to the session if you can, even if only for half of it:)
Why learn how to be empathetic??
Because expressing empathy changes brain chemistry. It SOAKS up emotion allowing the recipient (our child, spouse, friend) to get through the
feeling instead of becoming defensive, seeking revenge or trying to escape. Empathy OPENS the heart and mind to Learning. Anger, lectures, warnings, and sarcasm CREATE fight, flight, or freeze. None of us learn too well from the consequences of our actions when we are "drunk on emotion." Empathy PREVENTS
our fight, flight, or freeze responses. And maintains and allows for relationship growth!
The title of session 1 is "Handling Misbehavior Without Breaking a Sweat." We will learn how to "Go brain dead." Then softly repeat a single Love and Logic one-liner, that you will choose during class that fits your personality.
Please think about which empathetic statement will best fit your personality, culture, etc. Here are some examples:
* "This is so sad"
* "Oh man. That's too bad."
* "What a bummer."
* "Oh dear."
* "That's never good."
* "This stinks."
* "Hmm....."
* "I see......"
* "Gosh, that's tough/frustrating/hard."
* "I don't know. What do you think?" (Better for older kids)
Some MORE benefits of delivering empathy BEFORE delivering consequences:
* Empathy makes the child's poor decision the "bad guy" while keeping the adult the "good guy."
* As a result, the child has a harder time blaming the adult for the problem.
* This forces him or her to look inside and to learn from the consequence. Your goal is to get your child in the "thinking mode" before doing anything else.
Next, please give some thought to a problem you would like to work on such as reducing whining, meltdowns, arguing, having to give repeated warnings, how to handle misbehavior in public, etc. We can touch upon at the beginning of the class, then discuss further following the videos, and workbook exercises.
The most successful parents:
* Take good care of themselves
* Set and enforce limits
* Hold their kids accountable for their misbehavior
* Do all of these things in a very a Loving way
* Know that kids are ready to start learning responsibility as soon as they are old enough to spit beets across the table
Most importantly, from this course, you will learn techniques that will:
* Allow you to discipline your kids without losing their Love & Respect
* Help you raise respectful & responsible kids
* Up the odds that the teenage years will be happy rather than horrific
* Make parenting Fun & Rewarding!
I know this is a lot of information to digest. We will have plenty of time to process and practice the new parenting strategies. Thank you for making this investment in yourself, your kids, and your family!
Andrea
"They say it Takes a Village to Raise a Child, but no one ever tells you where it is or how to get there."
Andrea L Gooldy, M.S.
Parent Educator, Coach and Workshop Facilitator
Independent Love and Logic Facilitator 'Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun!'
Certified Screamfree Parenting Leader
AndreaParentCoach@gmail.com
www.andreaparentcoach.com
Thursday, January 9, 2014
52 Week Parenting Tool Challenge Positive Discipline
Any one want to join me on this weekly parenting tool challenge for 2014?? This is an Awesome way to practice and improve our parenting tools, together. Scroll down to see list and to subscribe to the challenge via Positive Discipline website. Please let me know if you sign up! Happy New Year 🎉
This week's tool is:
'Extensive research shows that we cannot influence children in a positive way until we create a connection with them. It is a brain (and heart) thing. Sometimes we have to stop dealing with the misbehavior and first heal the relationship.
Connection creates a sense of safety and openness. Punishment, lecturing, nagging, scolding, blaming or shaming create fight, flight, or freeze. Now we know it is just brain science: children learn (grow, feel safe, thrive) best when they feel connection--or as Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs taught us, "a sense of belonging and significance".
I LOVE what Jane Nelson writes below about
supporting each other ~
Begin forwarded message:
From: Positive Discipline <noreply@blogger.com>
Date: January 4, 2014 at 4:41:00 PM EST
To: Andreaparentcoach@gmail.com
Subject: Positive Discipline with Dr. Jane Nelsen
Positive Discipline
Positive Discipline with Dr. Jane Nelsen
52 Positive Discipline Parenting Tools in 52 Weeks
Posted: 04 Jan 2014 10:02 AM PST
Take the 52 Parenting Tools in 52 Weeks Challenge. This is a fun way to stay focused on Positive Discipline all year long.
We hope you will participate and post comments about your own experiences. You can get a copy of the Positive Discipline Parenting Tool Cards on the Positive Discipline Website and/or download the App for iPhone and Android. It would also be helpful to read a Positive Discipline Book during the year.
Together we can all improve our parenting skills and improve our relationships with our children. Click on the links below to read more about the individual Positive Discipline Tools.
Week 1 - Connection Before Correction
Week 2 - Encouragement
Week 3 - Listen
Week 4 - Family Meetings
Week 5 - Compliments
Week 6 - Routines
Week 7 - Special Time
Week 8 - Take Time for Training
Week 9 - Validate Feelings
Week 10 - Positive Time Out
Week 11 - Jobs
Week 12 - Mistakes
Week 13 - 3 R's of Recovery
Week 14 - Problem Solving
Week 15 - Limit Screen Time
Week 16 - Follow Through
Week 17 - Agreements
Week 18 - Focus On Solutions
Week 19 - Logical Consequences
Week 20 - Natural Consequences
Week 21 - Teach Children What to Do
Week 22 - Put Kids in the Same Boat
Week 23 - Allowances
Week 24 - Hugs
Week 25 - Wheel of Choice
Week 26 - Act Without Words
Week 27 - Understand the Brain
Week 28 - Back Talk
Week 29 - Winning Cooperation
Week 30 - Distract & Redirect
Week 31 - Decide What You Will Do
Week 32 - Practice
Week 33 - Empower Your Kids
Week 34 - Motivation
Week 35 - Kind and Firm
Week 36 - Pay Attention
Week 37 - Small Steps
Week 38 - Control Your Behavior
Week 39 - Sense of Humor
Week 40 - Silent Signals
Week 41 - Letting Go
Week 42 - Eye to Eye
Week 43 - Closet Listening
Week 44 - One Word
Week 45 - Show Faith
Week 46 - Break the Code
Week 47 - Avoid Pampering
Week 48 - Anger Wheel of Choice
Week 49 - Encouragement vs Praise
Week 50 - Limited Choices
Week 51 - Curiosity Questions
Week 52 - I Notice
You are subscribed to email updates from Positive Discipline
To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now.Email delivery powered by Google Google Inc., 20 West Kinzie, Chicago IL USA 60610
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Fwd: Ok to listen to recording with your kids!
Hello Class,
First of all, I included everyone's email on here so you can stay in touch, if any of you would like. I was Delighted that you all got along so well, shared, supported and brainstormed solutions. I am always so excited to see women helping women. We need each other particularly when it comes to parenting. I put the two reviewers, Heather and Miki, on copy too. Wish the class could have gone longer! I wanted to forward you this email about it being fine to let your children listen to the parenting cd's with you (especially when in the car altogether), even watch video clips, read out loud from parenting books....I, too, believe that our children will respect us more when they actually SEE us working on being a better parent! This parent educator, Debbie Godfrey, has a very helpful and information filled website so check it out if you have a moment. There are so many relevant articles and examples of challenges (not wanting to get ready in the morning, not wanting to eat, sibling fighting, how to be a family team, etc) that we touched on in our sessions. I haven't listened to her recording on power struggles, but based on the positive remarks especially from the mom regarding her 10 year old son, it sounds worth listening to. She is offering the recording for free until Dec 20th! I plan to listen, to at least a part of it, before the 20th.
Let me know if any of you find any empowering articles on here, or recordings, or anything else on any other parenting websites. Love to know what is inspiring to you. Lets keep our positive parenting conversation going! Additionally, I wanted to put a plug in about buying Love and Logic resources like the cd's, that I gave many of you, as holiday gifts, for baby showers, even for kid's birthdays, for the parents, as we know so many of our kids already have too much. Really, what a gift to give the children.....I wish someone had given my mom these parenting resources when I was younger. And my mom says, all the time, that she wished she had known about these resources when we were kids. You can go to the love and logic website at www.loveandlogic.com to peruse all of the books, cd's, dvd's or you can go to Amazon to order. Please reach out with any questions you have about the best resources for a certain age. I have listened to over 10 of the cd's, read or reviewed several of the books and also watched some of the dvd's for parents.
I will leave you with one of Debbie Godfrey's quotes from article on the next generation not needing parenting classes....what a hopeful way to look at how we can touch future generations, not just our own children. "If you are raising a young child now, one thing you are doing is modeling what type of parent your child is going to be. Do you like the way you parent? Do you feel confident? Do you think your child is learning the things that are important to you? If you did not have those things growing up, then you may not have those skills "inside" you. Many of us know what we DON'T want to do, but without giving ourselves outside information, we may not know what TO DO instead. Hence the value of parenting classes." Good for you all for being willing to gather outside information:) One more thing, for any of you, that are still reading, please facebook me if you want to get more parenting articles, thoughts, video clips as I use facebook mainly to share parenting resources (well, I also enjoy seeing what friends and family are up to!)
Happy Holidays to all of you!
Andrea
On Mon, Dec 16, 2013 at 8:07 AM, Debbie Godfrey <debbie@positiveparenting.com> wrote:
Happy Parenting!
Debbie Godfrey
Positive Parenting
debbie@positveparenting.com
(805) 648-6846
UnsubscribePositive Parenting Po Box 612 Ojai, California 93024 United States (805) 648-6846
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
L & L Session 5 : The Energy Drain Thurs 930AM at Springmont
Hi parents!
Sadly it's already our last Love and Logic session tomorrow, Dec 12th 930 AM, at the Springmont library. The title of this final session is: "What to Do When Your Kids Leave you Speechless." We will go over the Strategic Planning Session, and the Energy Drain parenting tools. I know Michelle, who is on a Safari in Africa, and Julie, who is at Disney with her family, cannot make it to our last session, but I hope the rest of you can! Also if arrive early, there is a book fair going on so peruse the new books...maybe do a little holiday shopping.
» Parents who take the time to put together successful strategic training sessions say the same thing:
"It's amazing! Now my kids are busy watching what I will do....instead of me being busy stressing over what they will do!"«
Remember, If a child is old enough to Remember a promise, he or she is old enough for Delayed Consequences.
Example: With empathy say: "This is so sad. I'm going to have to do something about this. We'll talk later."
Another option, which I learned last April, in Atlanta, from Charles Fay's talk: "Wow, I've never seen that before (chuckle). Hmm, I am going to do something about that but not sure what. Try not to worry."
> Please review your workbook, page 49 for full description of a strategic training session and page 55 for description of Energy Drain. <
{I have a great L & L cd by Jim Fay on the Energy Drain parenting strategy~ please let me know if you would like me to make you a copy!}
As always, the recipe for success is a healthy does of empathy First followed by an appropriate consequence (if don't have one, delay the consequence or say 'oh, man, when you lie to me, it really drains my energy or when you fight with you siblings, or keep whining/ arguing / being sassy, I lose my energy') then Let the consequence do the teaching or the screaming (as Screamfree parenting suggests as well!). We want our kids THINKING more than we are....
See you in the am! Please Keep your email updates coming. I love hearing how things are going.
Cheers,
Andrea
Andrea L Gooldy, M.S.
Parent Educator, Coach and Workshop Facilitator
Independent Love and Logic Facilitator 'Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun!'
Certified Screamfree Parenting Leader AndreaParentCoach@gmail.com www.andreaparentcoach.com
Sadly it's already our last Love and Logic session tomorrow, Dec 12th 930 AM, at the Springmont library. The title of this final session is: "What to Do When Your Kids Leave you Speechless." We will go over the Strategic Planning Session, and the Energy Drain parenting tools. I know Michelle, who is on a Safari in Africa, and Julie, who is at Disney with her family, cannot make it to our last session, but I hope the rest of you can! Also if arrive early, there is a book fair going on so peruse the new books...maybe do a little holiday shopping.
» Parents who take the time to put together successful strategic training sessions say the same thing:
"It's amazing! Now my kids are busy watching what I will do....instead of me being busy stressing over what they will do!"«
Remember, If a child is old enough to Remember a promise, he or she is old enough for Delayed Consequences.
Example: With empathy say: "This is so sad. I'm going to have to do something about this. We'll talk later."
Another option, which I learned last April, in Atlanta, from Charles Fay's talk: "Wow, I've never seen that before (chuckle). Hmm, I am going to do something about that but not sure what. Try not to worry."
> Please review your workbook, page 49 for full description of a strategic training session and page 55 for description of Energy Drain. <
{I have a great L & L cd by Jim Fay on the Energy Drain parenting strategy~ please let me know if you would like me to make you a copy!}
As always, the recipe for success is a healthy does of empathy First followed by an appropriate consequence (if don't have one, delay the consequence or say 'oh, man, when you lie to me, it really drains my energy or when you fight with you siblings, or keep whining/ arguing / being sassy, I lose my energy') then Let the consequence do the teaching or the screaming (as Screamfree parenting suggests as well!). We want our kids THINKING more than we are....
See you in the am! Please Keep your email updates coming. I love hearing how things are going.
Cheers,
Andrea
Andrea L Gooldy, M.S.
Parent Educator, Coach and Workshop Facilitator
Independent Love and Logic Facilitator 'Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun!'
Certified Screamfree Parenting Leader AndreaParentCoach@gmail.com www.andreaparentcoach.com
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Love and Logic: Take Good Care of Yourself
Sent from my iPhone
Begin forwarded message:
From: "Love and Logic Institute, Inc." <reply@loveandlogicnews.com>
Date: November 13, 2013 at 12:32:14 PM EST
To: "Andrea Gooldy" <andreaparentcoach@gmail.com>
Subject: Take Good Care of Yourself
Reply-To: "No Reply" <noreply@loveandlogic.com>
What's the first rule of Love and Logic?
Take good care of yourself by setting limits without anger, lectures, threats or repeated warnings.Many parents feel guilty about putting themselves first. Why? Because they have a little voice in their head that is always telling them what good parents "should" do, for example:
- Good parents should do everything for their kids.
- Good parents should sacrifice all of their own needs so that their children are never uncomfortable.
- Good parents should never be happy if their kids aren't.
Don't fall into the trap of raising your kids according to these "shoulds." Doing so creates kids who aren't prepared for the real world. Doing so also creates kids who are a terror to be around!When we put our children first all of the time, we are typically too drained to show them how much we love them.Never feel guilty about taking good care of yourself. Feel guilty if you don't.To master the first rule of Love and Logic, watch our video that aired on PBS titled: How to Discipline Kids without Losing Their Love and Respect.Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.Dr. Charles Fay
Featured SelectionBuild next summer's family vacation around the:This June join us atone of America's favorite get-a-ways, offering fun-filled activities for the whole family.800-338-4065for more information.
Love and Logic Institute, Inc. • 2207 Jackson St • Golden, CO 80401 http://www.loveandlogic.com Subscribe | Unsubscribe | Send to a Friend | Preferences | Report Spam Powered by MyNewsletterBuilder
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