It's seems like it's been way too long since our last class. Our 3rd session is this Thursday morning, April 25th, at 6160 Peachtree Dunwoody Rd Suite B210, Sandy Springs, 30328. Even if you have missed the prior two sessions, you really can jump in at any one of the 5 sessions. You will get something from it!! Fyi, I am considering squeezing in another ScreamFree series, right before summer break, on a Tues or Weds am, IF enough interest (at least 4 new parents). If this series is a go, it can be a benefit to you because you will have the opportunity to do a make-up / refresher and/or your spouse, friend, nanny, other family can come to join in the class with you as well:) It's so helpful to create your own ScreamFree Village! Please let me know if you have anyone who might want to sign up or just forward them this email so they can contact me.
As a quick review of our last session:
Have you noticed your use of labels for those around you or even how you label yourself, whether out loud or to silently to yourself or noticed others labeling? For instance, just this winter, Christopher has labeled a classmate as bossy and continues to call this little girl bossy based on an isolated experience that he witnessed where he was not even involved. Funny because I am doing my darnest not to view, all the time, this girl as "bossy". More empowering for all is to learn to say sometimes she is bossy, sometimes she is patient, sometimes she can be helpful. I just saw Dr Brene Brown, author of "Daring Greatly" (she is my new HERO!) interviewed, on Super Soul Sunday on OWN, by Oprah, discussing similar challenges and how play into shame vs guilt. Brene has taught her 5 year old to distinguish between making a mess and being messy. The danger and damage is a result of thinking "I am" messy, mean, selfish, dumb, vs just acting / behaving that way. As Christopher's wise lower elementary teacher shared this wk, during our outdoor overnight up at the Landschool, every child can be a bully sometimes. We ALL have that capacity, just as we have the capacity for kindness, compassion, generosity, thoughtfulness....
What label did you find placed upon you by family or friends?
"Good girl"; "Our smart one"; "The good athlete" ; "Troublemaker". I was the "good girl" or a "perfect daughter" until 9th grade when I had a party when my family went away to an ice hockey tournament.
How did that label affect the way you felt about yourself?
We get into trouble anytime we assume we know our children.
They cannot be known as constantly evolving / changing.
So instead of labeling a child, try describing the behavior. This would communicate what you're seeing in the child, but still FREE the child to Change.
"I notice you're smiling while assisting with food preparation! Looks like you are enjoying helping!"
"I see you working really hard on your puzzle."
"I notice you cleaning up after yourself today, without my reminding you."
"I noticed this week that you asked ahead of time for project supplies instead of waiting until the night before."
"Sean sometimes whines at bedtime."
For this session's overview ~
Section 3 : Keeping your Cool Means Creating a PLACE
* Just as SPACE refers to our relationship with ourselves, PLACE largely refers to our relationship with others. Hal describes boundaries as both freeing and limiting. *
» "Knowing our place is what gives us security, stability, and structure." «
Principle 8
PARENTS SET THE TABLE BY SETTING THE TONE (and Vice-Versa)
» "Children don't always want what they say they want."«
» There are two sides to parenting: the personal side (games, delight) and the business side (structure, routine) ~ Our responsibility is to find a balance between the two sides instead of depending on our spouse for one side «
It's the parent's job to ensure PLACE
1 - Protect child's place when invaded
2 - Let child know when went too far
~ Setting Your Own Table ~
As with most things we do, how you set your own table has a great deal to do with your experience at the table in your family history. Consider your own experience as a child and reflect on the following questions from your workbook:
What was the TONE that your parents set?
How did you perceive the structure in your family? Was it chaotic? Was it rigid?
"All behavior occurs in a pattern, and all patterns have at least two parties."
So, the Good News: We are one part of the pattern so we can Focus on our part of the pattern.
Look forward to seeing you all this Thurs am. Pls let me know if you plan to drop in so I can have enough chairs set up and enough coffee, and/or water.
Cheers,
Andrea
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